The Order Reads Harry Potter and The Chamber
by nix54
Summary: Continuation of The Order Reads Harry Potter and The Philosophers, with the original Order
1. Prologue

_**I don't own Harry Potter, any of it's characters, themes, spells, or plots. And let's face it, if I did, this wouldn't be on Fanfiction. Joanne Rowling owns all of it. So don't sue me, because I'm a broke seventeen year old girl. I haven't got diddly squat to give you.**_

Lily looked down at her sleeping son fondly. He lay in a cot, in their room at Hogwarts, snoozing softly; unaware of the trials he may one day face.

Hands wrapped their way around her waist lovingly, as James rested his chin on her shoulder.

"What's bothering you?" he asked.

"How did you know I'm worried?" Lily asked, leaning into his embrace.

"I've loved you for years, Lils. I didn't chase after you since we were second years, without learning something about you. Give me a little credit." James chuckled. Then he frowned, "You're avoiding my question."

Lily sighed, and said, "It's just, why Harry? It's not that I would wish this on any child, but, by the time Harry turned twelve, he had faced Voldemort twice. Three times if you count the forest. Why our son? Why would Voldemort want to kill him?" She turned and leant her head against James' chest as she continued, "I could understand you and I. We're members of the Order, I'm a muggle-born, you're a blood traitor, and we've both been very open in our hatred of his campaign, right back to when we were still students, but according to those books, Voldemort came to our home this Halloween, with the primary intention of murdering Harry. Why? He's just a baby!"

James held her close, letting her vent, knowing she needed to get it all out. Once she had finished, he replied, "I don't know, love. I don't know why Voldemort wants to kill our baby; I don't know why Harry has to go through so much, or why we were taken from him so soon." He pulled away, and looked his wife in the eye. "What I do know is that we were sent those books so we could do it differently. To know what happened, so we can change what is to come." As he finished, he pulled Lily to his chest tightly, and closed his eyes. Everything would be alright. He believed it.

Fabian and Gideon were sat over a piece of parchment in their room.

"Okay, so what have we got?" Fabian asked.

"Sirius loves dogs, and hates cats."

"They need brilliant transfiguration skills."

"They got all smug over the fact that the first years don't have a map."

"And did you notice them looking at each other when the rat, Scabbers, was mentioned. It was small but-"

"It was there, I saw it too." Fabian frowned. "I still don't get it. It's like we've got a puzzle with half the pieces."

"It's not like that, Fab. It's exactly that." Gideon replied, "Maybe-"

There was a knock at the door. "Boys." Molly called, "Are you coming? We've got to be back in ten minutes."

"Alright, we're coming Mol." Gideon answered, rolling the parchment up, and the brothers followed their family up to the seventh floor.

_**Read and Review please. Concrit welcomed. Please tell me what you like and what you don't so I can make this better.**_


	2. The Worst Birthday

**_My disclaimer's in the prologue if you want it._**

* * *

Everyone returned to the room after an hour, the children now awake, and so again playing in the playpen. After everyone took their seats, Emmaline took the next book off of the pile. Everyone was a little wary. If Harry and his friends could get into so much trouble as first years, what could happen over their other years.

Emmaline began,

**Harry Potter – Book Two.**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**THE WORST BIRTHDAY**

"Well that's a great way to start a book." said Benji, as the looks on everyone's faces darkened.

**Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room.**

"Go Hedwig!" the pranksters and children cheered.

**"Third time this week!" he roared across the table. "If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!"**

**Harry ****tried, yet again, to explain.**

**"She's bored," he said. "She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night -"**

"He can't let her out?!" Charlie asked, incredulous, "No wonder she's making a racket."

**"Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon**,

"Is that a trick question?" Sirius asked.

**a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache. **

"Gross."

**"I know what'll happen if that owl's let out."**

"You'd prove you're a human being, by showing an ounce of compassion toward you're nephew, and his owl." Alice asked scathingly.

**He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia.**

**Harry ****tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch from the Dursleys' son, Dudley.**

"That's disgusting." Emmaline shuddered.

**"I want more bacon."**

**"There's more in the frying pan, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son. "We must build you up while we've got the chance ... I don't like the sound of that school food..."**

"Of course not. They actually limit you're intake." Lily said, frowning.

**"Nonsense, ****Petunia, I never went hungry when I was at Smeltings," said Uncle Vernon heartily. "Dudley gets enough, don't you, son?"**

**Dudley, who was so large his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair, **

"That's awful." Marlene said, "She's doing him far more harm than good, like that."

grinned and turned to Harry.

**"Pass the frying pan."**

**"You've forgotten the magic word," said Harry irritably.**

"That's not going to go down well." Remus frowned.

**The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible: Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples.**

"Wow." Sirius blinked, "Overdramatic much?"

**"I meant `please'!" said Harry quickly. "I didn't mean -"**

**"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU," thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table, "ABOUT SAYING THE `M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?"**

"The 'M' word?" the children snickered.

**"But I -"**

**"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!" roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist. **

"When did he threaten him?" asked Alice, "All I heard was him teaching the lazy pig some manners."

**"I just -"**

**"I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"**

"He is not abnormal!" James and Lily said heatedly.

**Harry ****stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet.**

"Good luck." Sirius laughed.

**"All right," said Harry, "all right. . . "**

**Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.**

**Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment, because Harry Potter wasn't a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it is possible to be.**

**Harry ****Potter was a wizard - a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. **

"Woo!" the pranksters cheered,

**And if the Dursleys were unhappy to have him back for the holidays, it was nothing to how Harry felt.**

Everyone frowned.

**He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomachache. He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master),**

"Who would?" asked Sirius scathingly.

**the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and, especially, Quidditch, **

The Quidditch fanatics cheered, James being heard over all of them, glad his son shares his passion for the game.

**the most popular sport in the wizarding world (six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broomsticks).**

"Wait? That's all it says about it?!" James asked incredulous. "What about-" Lily covered his mouth with her hand, and gestured for Emmaline to continue, knowing her husband could go on for hours about that bloody game.

**All Harry's spell books, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-the-line Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home. **

"Gits." Sirius growled. Harry's home life reminded him far too much of his own. Harry should be happy at home, living with his parents, or at the very least with him and Remus, who was living with him. Where the hell were they and Peter?

**W****hat did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer? **

"Never gonna happen, Harry." Frank chuckled. "You got on the Quidditch team without ever having played before, on a school broom. They'll never kick you off."

**W****hat was it to the Dursleys if Harry went back to school without any of his homework done? The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a matter of deepest shame. Uncle Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world.**

"That's animal abuse." Charlie yelled. Everyone looked angry, but Charlie and Hagrid looked downright livid.

**Harry ****looked nothing like the rest of the family. **

"Thank Merlin." James muttered

**Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia **

**was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink, and porky. Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes and jet-black hair that was always untidy. He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar.**

**It was this scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard. This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before.**

"Why are they going through this again, I mean it's not like we'll forget it?" Sirius asked, sadly.

**At the age of one year old, Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time, Lord Voldemort, whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak. **

"Which is just stupid." the twins said.

**Harry's parents had died in Voldemort's attack, but Harry had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow - nobody understood why Voldemort's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry.**

**So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her husband. He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why he kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys' story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents.**

Everyone bristled in remembrance of the lie.

**And then, exactly a year ago, Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at wizard school, where he and his scar were famous ... but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly.**

Everyone glared at the book. Sirius and Remus were growling. James and Lily looked murderous.

**The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday. Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake - but to ignore it completely ...**

"Bastards."

"William Weasley! You watch your language!"

**At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly and said, "Now, as we all know, today is a very important day."**

"What!"

**Harry ****looked up, hardly daring to believe it.**

"Then I wouldn't, son." James frowned.

**"This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career,"**

**said Uncle Vernon.**

"Bloody freaking walrus." Charlie muttered under his breath, so his mother couldn't hear.

**Harry ****went back to his toast. Of course, he thought bitterly, Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party. He'd been talk ing of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills).**

**"I think we should run through the schedule one more time," said Uncle Vernon. **

"They run through parties?" Fabian asked.

"What ever happened to winging it? You know the spontaneity that makes a party worthwhile, and actually glad you showed up?" Gideon continued.

**"We should all be in position at eight o'clock. Petunia, you will be -?"**

**"In the lounge," said Aunt Petunia promptly, "waiting to welcome them graciously to our home."**

**"Good, good. And Dudley?"**

**"I'll be waiting to open the door." Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

"I'd be worried he'd eat the coats." Bill, Charlie, and Percy snickered. Fabian and Gideon beamed proudly at them. They were about to say that. They loved the fact that Fred and George took after them so much, but they loved all of their nephews and niece dearly. They were also very glad they knew when to crack a joke. Percy didn't do it as often as the others, but they noticed while reading, that he ends up being rather stuffy in his teen years, and he may have decided now, that while following rules is good (in his eyes) he ought to be able to have fun more.

**"They'll love him!" cried Aunt Petunia rapturously.**

"I doubt it." Edgar snorted.

**"Excellent, ****Dudley," said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry. "And you?"**

**"I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry tonelessly.**

"That's how he spends his twelfth birthday pretending he doesn't exist!" Lily said, furiously. Then she rounded on Dumbledore. "Professor, I don't care. If anything happens to James and I, Harry is not to go within a hundred miles of my sister and her family." Dumbledore nodded, gravely. He now understood why he had insisted that Harry be placed with his Aunt, but protection from Voldemort and his Death Eaters doesn't protect Harry from what goes on within that house. And judging by Harry's mannerisms and instinctual reactions in the previous book, he was guessing a lot had been left out.

**"Exactly," said Uncle Vernon nastily. "I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them -drinks. At eight- fifteen -"**

**"I'll announce dinner," said Aunt Petunia. "And, Dudley, you'll say -"**

**"May ****I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?" said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman. **

**"My perfect little gentleman!" sniffed Aunt Petunia.**

**"And you?" said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.**

"Back off and leave him alone, Dursley." Remus growled, his eyes flashing amber.

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry dully.**

Everyone glared at the book.

**"Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?"**

"They prepare compliments beforehand?!" asked Arthur, flabbergasted.

**"Vernon tells me you're a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason... Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason ...**

**"Perfect. . . Dudley?"**

**"How about -'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you."'**

"Has he ever met this Mason guy?" Sturgis chuckled.

**This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing.**

"See, now that's a normal response." James laughed.

**"And you, boy?"**

**Harry ****f****ought to keep his face straight as he emerged.**

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," he said.**

Everyone growled.

**"Too right, you will," said Uncle Vernon forcefully. "The Masons don't know anything about you and it's going to stay that way. When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I'll bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I'll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. We'll be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow." **

**Harry ****couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive.**

"That's even if they take you." Frank frowned.

**"Right - I'm off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And you," he snarled at Harry. "You stay out of your aunt's way while she's cleaning."**

**Harry ****left through the back door. It was a brilliant, sunny day. He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:**

**"Happy ****birthday to me ... happy birthday to me. . .**

The glares diminished, and everyone looked over at little Harry sadly.

**No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist. He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. **

"He has good friends." Remus smiled, looking at his own.

**They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all. Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.**

Everyone frowned. There was something odd going on there. It was very clear by what happened in the last book that they were amazingly close, and no one could see Ron or Hermione doing this.

**Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk. **

"He should just learn to pick locks the muggle way." Sirius said, remembering the times his mother had locked him in his room, and been furious (and not a small bit astonished) to find he could get out. It hadn't occurred to her to muggle proof the lock.

**Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school. Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this; **

"Good idea."

**he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick. For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him. But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal - and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.**

"What is going on about that?" the twins asked, voicing everyone's thoughts.

**W****hat wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He'd almost be glad of a sight of his archenemy, Draco Malfoy, just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream ...**

"Wow, someone needs to get him out of there if he's that desperate." Marlene blinked.

**Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come face-to-face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself. Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power. Harry had slipped through Voldemort's clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes…**

Everyone shivered.

**Harry ****suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge - and the hedge was staring back. **

"What?"

**Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.**

Everyone frowned.

**Harry ****jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the **

**lawn.**

**"I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him. The huge eyes blinked and vanished.**

**"What?" said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.**

**"I know what day it is," Dudley repeated, coming right up to him. **

**"Well done," said Harry. "So you've finally learned the days of the week."**

"Go Harry!" Bill, Charlie, and Percy cheered. The adults chuckled, but the Marauders and the Prewett twins looked like they were having a hard time not joining in.

**"Today's your birthday," sneered Dudley. "How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you even got friends at that freak place?"**

"He has awesome friends!" the kids, Marauders and twins cheered, at the same time that everyone growled, "Freak place!"

**"Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school," said Harry coolly.**

**Dudley ****hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.**

Everyone shuddered at the mental image.

**"Why're you staring at the hedge?" he said suspiciously.**

**"I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire," said Harry.**

"Good one Harry!" Fabian chuckled.

**Dudley ****stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face. "You c-can't - Dad told you you're not to do m-magic - he said he'll chuck you out of the house - and you haven't got anywhere else to go - you haven't got any friends to take you -"**

**"Jiggery ****pokery!" said Harry in a fierce voice. "Hocus pocus squiggly wiggly -"**

Everyone burst out laughing, Lily, Remus, Sirius and Arthur in particular, knowing what muggles believe magic is.

**"MUUUUUUM!" ****howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. "MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"**

"Bloody kid can't even say magic." Aberforth muttered.

**Harry ****paid dearly for his moment of fun. As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really**

**done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. **

"What!"

"My sister tried to hit my son with a frying pan!" Lily shrieked. James wrapped his arm around her, trying to calm her down, and stop her from apparating to Privet Drive this instant and hexing her sister to seventh hell, though he was anything but composed himself. Everyone was muttering furiously at this type of violence aimed towards a child. Remus and Sirius conjured a piece of parchment and began scribbling on it furiously. When they were done, they let James read it, who in turn, passed it to the Prewetts. The evil grins on the five faces were enough to put anyone off going and cursing the Dursleys. Those smiles meant nothing good, and everyone was assured that the Dursleys would be getting theirs any day now.

**Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished.**

Lily ground her teeth furiously.

**W****hile Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench. **

"All that!" Remus exclaimed, "He's going to pass out from exhaustion."

Sirius scribbled something down on the parchment, and passed it to James and Remus. Their eyes widened, but they smiled nonetheless.

**The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck. Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley's bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself... maybe he didn't have any friends at Hogwarts ...**

"Harry, don't doubt that. You have awesome friends!" Charlie said, while the adults were nodding, but thinking 'What is going on? Why aren't they writing to him?

**W****ish they could see famous Harry Potter now, he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flower beds, his back aching, sweat running down his face.**

"I hope no one ever has to see him like that." Molly said, frowning, to general agreement.

**It was half past seven, in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him.**

"It was just after breakfast when he went outside! They made him work all bloody day!" Alice screeched.

**"Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!"**

**Harry ****m****oved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonight's pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven.**

**"Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!" snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table. **

"That's not a meal!" Sirius growled.

**She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress.**

"She always does look ridiculous in pink." Lily muttered.

**Harry ****washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper. The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate. "Upstairs! Hurry!"**

**As he passed the door to the living room, Harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets. **

"How the heck could you see their bow ties under all the flab?" asked Bill, genuinely curious.

**He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the door bell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs.**

**"Remember, boy - one sound -"**

**Harry ****crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed.**

"Good idea." Elphias said.

The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.

"What?"

"That's the end of the chapter." Emmaline said, passing the book over to Remus.

* * *

**_Read and Review please. Concrit welcome. Tell me what you like and what you don't. Flames will be used to warm me up 'cause I've got a cold :)_**


	3. Dobby's Warning

**_Thank you everyone who reviewed, favourited and added alerts. Sorry if this isn't brill, I've never really like this chapter._**

**_If you want my disclaimer look at the prologue, because I don't want to keep writing it._**

**_Also, some people have asked what the Marauders and the twins are planning. I'm not sure yet. So if you have any suggestions, tell me, and if they're good, I may use them._**

* * *

Remus looked at the title of the next chapter, and frowned.

**"CHAPTER TWO**

**DOBBY'S WARNING"** he said confusedly.

Nobody else could shed any light on this so Marlene said "We won't know until you read it."

Remus began again.

**Harry ****m****anaged not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls. **

"A house elf?"

"What's a house elf doing in a muggle house?" Frank asked confused. Everyone shrugged.

**Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.**

_'That solves one mystery' _everyone thought.

**As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

"Merlin, they're actually doing it!" the twins laughed.

**The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet. Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm- and leg-holes.**

"Poor elf." Alice said, sadly. "It must come from a pureblood supremacist family. They don't treat anything non-human with any kindness."

**"Er - hello," said Harry nervously.**

**"Harry ****Potter!" said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. "So long has Dobby wanted to meet you, sir ... Such an honor it is . . . ."**

"So even house elves know about him." Benji said, impressed.

"Not surprising, really though. Like Alice said, pureblood supremacists, and therefore all of Voldemort's lot, think anything that's not human, or even fully human is beneath them. We all know house elves are being treated incredibly cruelly nowadays. When Harry defeated Voldemort, things for many of them, probably got better." James said, wisely. "Not to mention, we've seen that even centaurs know who he is. If the centaurs know, everybody knows."

**"Th-thank you," said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, "What are you?" but thought it would sound too rude, so instead he said, "Who are you?"**

"Good Harry. The first question was rather rude." said Lily, approvingly.

**"Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf," said the creature. **

"And you got both your questions answered anyway." chuckled Bill.

**"Oh - really?" said Harry. "Er - I don't want to be rude or anything, but - this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom."**

**Aunt Petunias high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.**

**"Not that I'm not pleased to meet you," said Harry quickly, "but, er, is there any particular reason you're here?"**

"Good, get straight to the point." growled Moody.

**"Oh, yes, sir," said Dobby earnestly. "Dobby has come to tell you, sir ... it is difficult, sir ... Dobby wonders where to begin . . . ."**

"The beginning is usually the best place." the twins said in stereo.

**"Sit down," said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.**

"Uh oh." James frowned.

**To his horror, the elf burst into tears - very noisy tears. "S-sit down!" he wailed. "Never ... never ever. . . " Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.**

"Shut him up, Harry!" implored Edgar.

**"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything -"**

"I don't think that's the problem." said Sirius.

**"Offend Dobby!" choked the elf. "Dobby has never been asked to sit down by a wizard - like an equal-"**

"Poor Dobby." said Percy, sadly.

**Harry, trying to say "Shh!" and look comforting at the same time, **

"That does sound difficult." Elphias chuckled.

**ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly doll. At last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.**

**"You can't have met many decent wizards," said Harry, trying to cheer him up.**

"Probably not."

**Dobby ****shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, shouting, "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"**

"Very dark family then." frowned Dorcas.

**"Don't - what are you doing?" Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby back onto the bed - Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.**

**"Dobby ****had to punish himself, sir," said the elf, who had gone slightly cross-eyed. "Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir . . . ."**

**"Your family?"**

**"The wizard family Dobby serves, sir... Dobby is a house elf - bound to serve one house and one family forever . ...**

"Poor guy." Emmaline mumbled.

**"Do they know you're here?" asked Harry curiously. Dobby shuddered.**

"So no, then."

**"Oh, no, sir, no ... Dobby will have to punish himself most grievously for coming to see you, sir. Dobby will have to shut his ears in the oven door for this. If they ever knew, sir _"**

**"But won't they notice if you shut your ears in the oven door?" **

"I doubt it. The things that happens to some elves are despicable." said Alice.

**"Dobby doubts it, sir. Dobby is always having to punish himself for something, sir. They lets Dobby get on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments ..."**

"That's really cruel." Charlie cried.

**"But why don't you leave? Escape?"**

"Unfortunately, he can't." Arthur said, sadly.

**"A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free ... Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir . . . ." **

**Harry stared. "And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks," he said. **

"You do!" everyone said.

**"This makes the Dursleys sound almost human. **

"Emphasis on the almost." Sirius said, bitterly. Harry should be living with him. Where the hell was he?

**Can't anyone help you? Can't I?"**

"That's really sweet." Molly cooed.

**Almost at once, Harry wished he hadn't spoken. Dobby dissolved again into wails of gratitude.**

**"Please," Harry whispered frantically, "please be quiet. If the Dursleys hear anything, if they know you're here -"**

"That would be incredibly bad. Especially as he's supposed to be pretending not to exist." said Sturgis. Everyone became angry again at the remembrance of what Harry was spending his twelfth birthday doing.

**"Harry ****Potter asks if he can help Dobby ... Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew . ...**

**Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, "Whatever you've heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I'm not even top of my year at Hogwarts; that's Hermione, she -"**

**But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.**

"Why isn't he getting any of his letters?" asked Frank.

**"Harry ****Potter is humble and modest," said Dobby reverently, his orb- like eyes aglow. "Harry Potter speaks not of his triumph over He-Who- Must-Not-Be-Named -"**

**"Voldemort?" said Harry.**

Many people flinched, and the others rolled their eyes at him.

**Dobby ****clapped his hands over his bat ears and moaned, "Ah, speak not the name, sir! Speak not the name!"**

"It's just a name!" Sirius said, exasperated. Bill, Charlie and Percy looked at each other. They had been raised being afraid of the name, but seeing this from Harry's point of view had got them thinking. It was a little irritating. Besides their uncles said it, and their friends, and everyone had been saying it throughout the books (because Dumbledore insisted it was read as it written), and nothing had happened. It wasn't like it was jinxed. They'd have to think about it some more.

**"Sorry" said Harry quickly. "I know lots of people don't like it. My friend Ron -"**

The Weasleys smiled, glad Harry and Ron were so close.

**He stopped again. Thinking about Ron was painful, too. **

Then they frowned.

**Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights.**

**'Dobby ****heard tell," he said hoarsely, "that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time just weeks ago ... that Harry Potter escaped Yet again."**

"So his masters have got a child at Hogwarts." Moody growled, narrowing his eyes.

**Harry ****nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears.**

**,Ah, sir," he gasped, dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing. "Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he does have to shut his ears in the oven door later... Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts."**

"WHAT!"

**There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

**"W-what?" Harry stammered. "But I've got to go back - term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't belong here. I belong in your world - at Hogwarts."**

"Exactly." Lily said, nodding in agreement.

**"No, no, no," squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. "Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger."**

"What?" James said, worried. Albus was frowning. What could be putting him in danger this year? Everyone was looking at the book with narrowed eyes. What was going to be happening at Hogwarts?

**"Why?" said Harry in surprise.**

**"There is a plot, Harry Potter. A plot to make most terrible things happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," whispered Dobby, suddenly trembling all over. "Dobby has known it for months, sir. **

"So his masters are plotting something then?" Frank asked.

"But if that's true, then why is Dobby able to warn Harry? Surely his masters would have forbade him from telling anyone." Marlene asked, flummoxed.

"By the looks of it, he's been forbidden from giving the specifics. Like if I forbade a house elf from telling Sirius I was planning to lure him to my house, ambush and kill him. The elf would be able to tell Sirius that someone was plotting to attack him, but nothing else." said James, reasonably.

"Though I'd rather you didn't plan to kill me off, James." Sirius replied.

"Sorry mate, you were just the first person that popped into my head." James chuckled.

"Alright, just for future reference."

**Harry Potter must not put himself in peril. He is too important, sir!"**

**"What terrible things?" said Harry at once. "Who's plotting them?" Dobby made a funny choking noise and then banged his head frantically against the wall.**

**"All right!" cried Harry, grabbing the elf's arm to stop him. "You can't tell me. I understand. But why are you warning me?" A sudden, unpleasant thought struck him. "Hang on - this hasn't got anything to do with Vol- - sorry - with You-Know-Who, has it?**

"Please no." Lily mumbled.

**You could just shake or nod," he added hastily as Dobby's head tilted worryingly close to the wall again.**

**Slowly, Dobby shook his head.**

**"Not -not He- Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, sir"**

Everyone sighed in relief.

**But Dobby's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint. Harry, however, was completely lost. **

"You're not the only one." Aberforth muttered.

**"He hasn't got a brother, has he?"**

"No, it can't be. He was an only child, an orphan." McGonagall frowned, feeling a little lost.

**Dobby ****shook his head, his eyes wider than ever.**

**"Well then, I can't think who else would have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts," said Harry. "I mean, there's Dumbledore, for one thing – **

Everyone began to nod in agreement, when Albus spoke up. "Voldemort may be afraid of me, but I cannot prevent all dangerous things happening at Hogwarts. Harry's first year proves that."

Everyone frowned, worried, as they realized that.

**y****ou know who Dumbledore is, don't you?"**

"Everyone in our world knows who Dumbledore is." Alice chuckled.

**Dobby ****bowed his head.**

**"Albus Dumbledore is the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Dobby knows it, sir. Dobby has heard Dumbledore's powers rival those of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the height of his**

**strength. But, sir" - Dobby's voice dropped to an urgent whisper - "there are powers Dumbledore doesn't ... powers no decent wizard. . ."**

**And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head with earsplitting yelps.**

**A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, "Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!"**

"Uh oh." Bill said, worried.

**"Quick! In the closet!" hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door, and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.**

"You're boy has amazing timing." Fabian said to James and Lily.

**"What - the - devil - are - you - doing?" said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's. "You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke ... One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!"**

Everyone growled.

**He stomped flat-footed from the room. Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the closet.**

**"See what it's like here?" he said. "See why I've got to go back to Hogwarts? It's the only place I've got -well, I think I've got friends. " **

"You do Harry." said Lily.

**"Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?" said Dobby slyly.**

"He's been stopping Harry's post!" Gideon said angrily.

**"I expect they've just been - wait a minute," said Harry, frowning. "How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?"**

**Dobby ****shuffled his feet.**

**"Harry ****Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby did it for the best - "**

**"Have you been stopping my letters?"**

**"Dobby ****has them here, sir," said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry's reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing. Harry could make out Hermione's neat writing, Ron's untidy scrawl, and even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.**

"Aw, thanks for writing to him, Hagrid." James smiled at the half-giant. Hagrid waved away his thanks, as if to say it was nothing. He would want to keep up with Harry, and if he had known about what was happening to him, he would have turned up on the Dursleys doorstep, and done a better job of that pig transformation.

**Dobby ****blinked anxiously up at Harry.**

**"Harry ****Potter mustn't be angry... Dobby hoped ... if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him ... Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir . ...**

**Harry ****wasn't listening. He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.**

**"Harry ****Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won't go back, sir!"**

**"No," said Harry angrily. "Give me my friends' letters!"**

**"Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice," said the elf sadly. Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs.**

"No!" everyone yelled.

**Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. **

**From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, ". . . tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear..."**

"I bet she has." Gideon said sarcastically.

**Harry ****ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear. Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.**

**"No," croaked Harry. "Please ... they'll kill me ... "Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school -" "Dobby ... please ...**

**"Say ****it, sir -" **

"Don't do it!" the adults yelled. The children looked at them confused.

"Why not?" asked Bill.

"He could just lie." Charlie stated.

"It sounds like Dobby's trying to set up a magical contract, boys. If he said yes, even if he was lying, he wouldn't be able to go back. If he tried, it would seriously damage his magical core." Arthur explained to his sons.

"Oh."

**"I can't -"**

"Good."

**Dobby ****gave him a tragic look.**

**"Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good."**

**The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.**

"Oh no." everyone groaned.

**There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunias pudding.**

**At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ("Just our nephew - very disturbed meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs) He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, **

"He better not touch him." Lily growled.

**and handed him a mop. Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.**

**Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal - if it hadn't been for the owl.**

Everyone groaned.

"The Reasonable Restriction For Underage Wizardry." Edgar moaned.

**Aunt Petunia was just passing around a box of after-dinner mints when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs. Mason's head, and swooped out again. Mrs. Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house shouting about lunatics. Mr. Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.**

"Well, I do think it would be hilarious to do, if that happens in our time." Fabian chuckled.

"Yeah, when these people come round for dinner, we'll send them a howler. The owl will drive the Masons out, and we can send a few choice jinxes inside, along with the yells. Anonymously, of course." Gideon finished. Everyone was laughing, and Sirius wrote it down on his revenge sheet.

**Harry ****stood in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support, as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.**

**"Read it!" he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. "Go on – read it!"**

"They're going to know he can't use magic now." Percy cried.

**Harry ****took it. It did not contain birthday greetings. **

"I'd be rather worried if he thought it did." Benji said.

**Dear Mr. Potter,**

**W****e have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine.**

**As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).**

**W****e would also ask you to remember that any magical activity that risks notice by members of the non-magical community (Muggles) is a serious offense under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks' Statute of Secrecy.**

**Enjoy ****y****our holidays! **

**Yours sincerely, **

**Mafalda Hopkirk**

**IMPROPER ****USE OF MAGIC OFFICE **

**Ministry****of Magic**

**Harry ****looked up from the letter and gulped.**

"I would too." said Sturgis, sadly.

**"You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic outside school," said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. "Forgot to mention it ... Slipped your mind, I daresay ..."**

"No. It was intentional." the twins said.

**He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared. "Well, I've got news for you, boy . ... I'm locking you up ... You're never going back to that school ... never ... and if you try and magic yourself out - they'll expel you!"**

"What!" Everyone was livid.

**And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs. Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word. The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry's window. He himself fitted a cat- flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.**

"So they've turned my son's bedroom into a prison, he's allowed out about ten minutes a day, and they're starving him as well!" Lily cried, looking miserable and murderous.

**Three days later, the Dursleys were showing no sign of relenting, and Harry couldn't see any way out of his situation. He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.**

**W****hat was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it? Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low. Now that the Dursleys knew they weren't going to wake up as fruit bats, he had lost his only weapon. Dobby might have saved Harry from horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway.**

**The cat-flap rattled and Aunt Petunias hand appeared, pushing a bowl of canned soup into the room. Harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized it. The soup was stone-cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp. Then he crossed the room to Hedwig's cage and tipped the soggy vegetables at the bottom of the bowl into her empty food tray. **

"Aw, they're starving him, but he still shares with his owl." Charlie said, proudly.

**She ruffled her feathers and gave him a look of deep disgust.**

"Proud owl."

**"It's no good turning your beak up at it - that's all we've got," said Harry grimly.**

**He put the empty bowl back on the floor next to the cat-flap and lay back down on the bed, somehow even hungrier than he had been before the soup.**

Everyone frowned, how long had he been without food?

**Supposing he was still alive in another four weeks, what would happen if he didn't turn up at Hogwarts? **

"I think after everything you did last year, I think they might establish a search party for him, students and all." Emmaline remarked.

**W****ould someone be sent to see why he hadn't come back? Would they be able to make the Dursleys let him go?**

"Yes." said Albus, McGonagall, and Hagrid. They would make sure he went back to Hogwarts, and never went back to that dreadful place.

**The room was growing dark. Exhausted, stomach rumbling, mind spinning over the same unanswerable questions, Harry fell into an uneasy sleep.**

**He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage. People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw. He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, "Harry Potter is safe there, sir!" and vanished. Then the Dursleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him.**

"Harry has really weird dreams." said Percy. "This on, the one about Quirrell's turban…" Everyone nodded in agreement.

**"Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone ... cut it out ... I'm trying to sleep . . . ."**

**He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window. And someone was goggling through the bars at him: a freckle- faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone.**

"Ron!" everyone cheered.

**Ron Weasley was outside Harry's window.**

"Hang on. Isn't Harry's window on the second floor?" asked Marlene.

"Keep reading." Molly told Sirius, wanting to know how stupid or dangerous a stunt her son had pulled to manage that.

* * *

**_I'm not really happy with this, so if you have any suggestions to what should be changed, tell me, and I probably will change it._**

**_Read and Review please! Concrit welcomed. Flames will be used to set you on fire. I think it might be funny._**


	4. The Burrow

**_I know this has got a lot of the kids in, but I just couldn't think of too much for the adults to say._**

* * *

Sirius turned the page and began…

**CHAPTER THREE**

**THE BURROW**

"Woo!" the Weasley children cheered. "Harry's going to come and stay at our house."

Everyone chuckled at the kids enthusiasm, but were happy nonetheless.

**Ron!" breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. "Ron, how did you What the -?"**

**Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked in midair.**

"What!" Molly sputtered, "Where on earth did they get…" Then it clicked. "Arthur Weasley!"

Arthur, who had been looking positively gleeful at the prospect of owning an enchanted muggle car, rearranged his features to those of great remorse. "Now Molly, as I haven't done this it seems rather unfair to get angry at me for this."

"It's illegal!"

"Not entirely, dear. There's a loophole in the law, so as long as I wasn't intending to fly the car, it didn't matter that it's enchanted."

"You made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!"

"Molly, I haven't done anything yet, so may we just forget it, and carry on reading?"

Molly didn't want to let it go, but she was anxious to carry on reading, so she sent her husband a glare clearly saying 'we will have words later', and settled back down to continue listening.

Sirius, chuckling at Arthur's misfortune (along with everyone else in the room) continued.

**Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.**

"Wow. The twins must be really close to Ron, and be really good friends with Harry to risk Mom's wrath like that." Charlie whispered to his brothers. The other two nodded sagely.

**"All right, Harry?" asked George.**

"He's locked in his bedroom, with bars on his window! How does he think Harry's doing?" asked Bill, incredulous.

**"What's been going on?" said Ron. "Why haven't you been answering my letters? I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles"**

**"It wasn't me and how did he know?"**

**"He works for the Ministry," said Ron. "You know we're not supposed to do spells outside school"**

**"You should talk," said Harry, staring at the floating car.**

"Dad will have enchanted that, so it won't count." said Percy.

**"Oh, this doesn't count," said Ron. "We're only borrowing this. It's Dad's, we didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with"**

**"I told you, I didn't but it'll take too long to explain now look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'Il think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so"**

"Does he really think that they flew half way across the country in a flying car just to say 'Hi? asked Charlie, incredulous, while the adults looked at each other. The brain couldn't function properly without enough food. How little food had he been given?

**"Stop gibbering," said Ron. "We've come to take you home with us."**

**"But you can't magic me out either"**

"That's what the twins are there for." the children said in unison.

**"We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me."**

**"Tie that around the bars," said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry.**

**"If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead," said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car.**

**"Don't worry," said Fred, "and stand back."**

**Harry moved back into the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent. The car revved louder and louder and suddenly, with a crunching noise, the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground. Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car. Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys' bedroom.**

"Good."

**When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window.**

**"Get in," Ron said.**

"He can't go without all of his stuff though." Percy said, frowning.

"Don't worry. Fred and George will have a way around that." Bill said, confidently.

**"But all my Hogwarts stuff my wand my broomstick"**

**"Where is it?"**

**"Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room"**

**"No problem," said George from the front passenger seat. "Out of the way, Harry."**

**Fred and George climbed catlike through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.**

Fabian and Gideon were beaming with pride, while Molly looked on with thinly veiled disapproval. She didn't like them knowing how to pick locks, but if it got Harry out of that prison that was supposed to be his home, then she wouldn't bother about it so much.

**"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick," said Fred, "but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow."**

"Hey! That's what you said to me when you started teaching me." Charlie said to Bill.

"Wait, what!" Molly asked. "You can do this muggle trick too?" she frowned.

"Yes." Bill answered, at the same time Charlie said "Not well. I'm still learning."

"And pray tell who taught you to do this?" Molly asked, while glaring at her brothers.

"Uncle Billius!" Bill said, while the twins looked smug. "Funnily enough, that was the line he used to convince me to learn as well."

"Why on earth would you need to know such a ridiculous trick."

"Actually Molly," Sirius interjected, "It's not that ridiculous. What if they were locked in somewhere, and unable to use magic. Most wizards forget to muggle proof their locks, so if you need to get out, picking the lock is always a great way to do it." At her curious look, he elaborated, "My mother used to lock me in my room over the summer like Harry's Uncle did to him. She was always furious that I could get out, but could never figure out how I did it."

Molly sighed and relented. "Alright, I don't mind you learning how to pick locks." She had to admit, Sirius had made a good point.

Bill and Charlie beamed at Sirius as he began again.

**There was a small click and the door swung open.**

**"So we'll get your trunk you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron," whispered George.**

**"Watch out for the bottom stair it creaks," Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing.**

**Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron. Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs. Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough.**

**At last, panting, they reached the landing, then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side. Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window.**

**Uncle Vernon coughed again.**

"Don't wake up." Percy pleaded.

**"A bit more," panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car. "One good push"**

**Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car.**

**"Okay, let's go," George whispered.**

"Yay!" the kids cheered.

**But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him, followed immediately by the thunder of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

**"THAT RUDDY OWL!"**

**"I've forgotten Hedwig!"**

"How could he _forget_ her? She's his only friend in that place." Charlie asked incredulous.

**Harry tore back across the room as the landing light clicked on he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron. He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door and it crashed open.**

**For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway; then he let out a bellow like an angry bull and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle.**

"Let him go!"

**Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could.**

"Come on. You can do it!" the twins said.

**"Petunia!" roared Uncle Vernon. "He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"**

"Why does he care?" Bill asked the adults, "He doesn't want him in the house."

"That's true, but he'd rather have him in the house and miserable, than at Hogwarts happy, and learning things he can use against them when he comes of age." Fabian said, darkly.

**But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp Harry was in the car he'd slammed the door shut.**

"Now GO!"

**"Put your foot down, Fred!" yelled Ron, and the car shot suddenly toward the moon.**

**Harry couldn't believe it he was free. He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window. "See you next summer!" Harry yelled.**

Everyone burst out laughing.

**The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning from ear to ear.**

**"Let Hedwig out," he told Ron. "She can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her wings for ages."**

Charlie and Hagrid smiled happily. Harry really did care about Hedwig, and he took good care of her (when not being impeded by cruel idiotic muggles.)

**George handed the hairpin to Ron and, a moment later, Hedwig soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost.**

"So Ron can do it too." Gideon smiled.

"Can I learn?" Percy asked. His brothers turned to stare open mouthed at him. "What? It's not like I'm going to go breaking into people's houses. It just seems like it would be useful to know."

"Sure Perce. Either we will, or one of you brothers will teach you. It'll have to wait until you're a bit older though. It's quite fiddly." Fabian answered, smiling at his young nephew.

**"So what's the story, Harry?" said Ron impatiently. "What's been happening?"**

**Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long, shocked silence when he had finished.**

**"Very fishy," said Fred finally.**

**"Definitely dodgy" agreed George. "So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?"**

**"I don't think he could," said Harry. "I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip, he started banging his head against the wall."**

**He saw Fred and George look at each other. "What, you think he was lying to me?" said Harry.**

**"Well," said Fred, "put it this way house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their master's permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke.**

"I don't think so, Dobby seemed too sincere." Remus frowned.

"If Harry's anything like his mother, I'm willing to bet he glossed over a lot of it, so not to worry his friends." Alice said, as Lily bushed. That is exactly what she would have done. She _had _done it before.

**Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?"**

"Malfoy." everyone answered.

**"Yes," said Harry and Ron together, instantly. "Draco Malfoy," Harry explained. "He hates me."**

**"Draco Malfoy?" said George, turning around. "Not Lucius Malfoy's son?"**

Arthur growled at the mention of Malfoy Sr.

**"Must be, it's not a very common name, is it?" said Harry.**

**"I've heard Dad talking about him," said George. "He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who."**

**"And when You-Know-Who disappeared," said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, "Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung Dad reckons he was right in You- Know-Who's inner circle."**

"He is." Moody growled. "He's a known Death Eater." He continued, disgusted at the state of the Ministry.

**Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before, and they didn't surprise him at all. Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look like a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive boy.**

**"I don't know whether the Malfoys own a house-elf" said Harry.**

"Oh they'll own plenty." Frank said.

**"Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich," said Fred.**

**"Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing," said George. "But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn't catch one in our house..."**

The Weasleys shuffled uncomfortably in their seats. Everyone ignored them. Nobody cared that they didn't have very much. They were some of the most wonderful people you could ever find.

**Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting around a large manor house. Sending the family servant to stop Harry from going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?**

"Never underestimate a warning. Even if it is fake, it still puts you on your guard." Moody growled.

**"I'm glad we came to get you, anyway," said Ron. "I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters. I thought it was Errol's fault at first"**

"Errol's still around?" the Weasleys asked incredulous. That owl was getting old as is, never mind in another eleven years.

**"Who's Errol?"**

**"Our owl. He's ancient.**

"Understatement."

**It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery. So then I tried to borrow Hermes"**

"Who?"

**"Who?"**

"Shut it." Charlie said, as his brothers sniggered.

**"The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made prefect," said Fred from the front.**

**"But Percy wouldn't lend him to me," said Ron. "Said he needed him."**

**"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning. "And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room ... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge ...**

"What are you up to?" Charlie asked. Percy shrugged. It was in the future, how was he supposed to know?

**You're driving too far west, Fred," he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.**

**"So, does your dad know you've got the car?" said Harry, guessing the answer.**

"Yeah right." the Weasley children chuckled.

**"Er, no," said Ron, "he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without Mum noticing we flew it."**

"Like that'll ever work. Mums know everything." James laughed, while everyone nodded in agreement.

**"What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway?"**

**"He works in the most boring department," said Ron.**

"It's not boring." Arthur said, insulted.

**"The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."**

**"The what?"**

**"It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home, and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare Dad was working overtime for weeks."**

**"What happened?"**

**"The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in the hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose.**

The Weasley children were biting on the insides of their cheeks trying not to burst out laughing. The look on their father's face told them it wouldn't end well, but it just sounded rather funny.

**Dad was going frantic it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office -and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts of stuff to cover it up"**

**"But your dad this car"**

**Fred laughed. "Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad."**

Arthur turned red as everyone burst out laughing at the mental image of Arthur placing himself under arrest.

**"That's the main road," said George, peering down through the windshield. "We'll be there in ten minutes ... Just as well, it's getting light..."**

**A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east.**

**Fred brought the car lower, and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.**

**"We're a little way outside the village," said George. "Ottery St. Catchpole."**

**Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.**

**"Touchdown!" said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard, and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.**

**It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigpen, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it were held up by magic (which, Harry reminded himself, it probably was).**

"It is." Arthur said. "It wasn't always so crooked, but there was an explosion in Bill and Charlie's room when Fabian and Gideon came to visit a few months back, and well, we had to put some more spells on the house to stop it toppling over." Everyone chuckled, while the named people blushed and looked slightly abashed. The potion wasn't supposed to explode, it just sort of happened.

**Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lopsided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read, THE BURROW. Around the front door lay a jumble of rubber boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard.**

"We do love your house, guys." Fabian and Gideon said, while everyone who had been there nodded. The Weasleys blushed.

**"It's not much," said Ron.**

**"It's wonderful," said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive. They got out of the car.**

**"Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly," said Fred, "and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, `Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car."**

"That's got to be one of the stupidest plans I've ever heard of." Bill said. "You say you flew your brooms to rescue Harry, and all flew back. Harry's got his own broom, and Ron and the twins must have said about how Harry's a fantastic flyer. It's believable. Then you just deny any knowledge about the car being gone."

**"Right," said Ron. "Come on, Harry, I sleep at the at the top…"**

**Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house. The other three wheeled around.**

"Mum. I'll bet any number of galleons." Charlie said.

**Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.**

"Good description." said everyone who had ever been yelled at by an irate Molly Weasley. Molly turned scarlet.

**"Ah, "said Fred.**

**"Oh, dear," said George.**

**Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring from one guilty face to the next. She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.**

**"So, "she said.**

**"Morning, Mum," said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice.**

"Mum's going to kill them." Bill and Charlie said.

**"Have you any idea how worried I've been?" said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper.**

"Guilt trip first…" said Charlie.

"Then brace for the explosion." Bill finished. The Prewett twins nodded sagely. Their nephews weren't the only ones who had been on the end of Molly's wrath.

**"Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to"**

**All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.**

"Smart."

**"Beds empty! No note! Cargone could have crashed out of my mind with worry did you care? never, as long as I've lived you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy"**

Said children all frowned. They didn't like being compared to the siblings like that. Maybe it'd be a good idea to talk to their parents about that. Not to mention make a fair bit more mischief. There are always good excuses for that.

**"Perfect Percy," muttered Fred.**

Percy's frown deepened. It sounded like this happened a lot, and Fred sounded rather resentful about it.

**"YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest. "You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job"**

**It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.**

"Good idea." the children and the twins muttered.

**"I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear," she said. "Come in and have some breakfast."**

"Wow. That's one impressive mood change." Alice chuckled.

**She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervousglance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her. The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle, and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around. He had never been in a wizard house before.**

James and Lily sighed, sadly. He had, he just couldn't remember.

**The clock on the wall opposite him had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like Time to make tea, Time to feed the chickens, and You're late.**

"I like that clock, but I prefer your other one, guys." Fabian said, while Gideon nodded.

"What other clock?" Lily asked curiously.

"We have two. The one that's just been described, and one that has the each family members names on, and around the edge, where they are. Things like home, school, work, travelling. You get the idea." Arthur explained.

"Where did you get that?" asked Alice and Lily.

"I made it. I can explain it to you at some point if you want." Arthur said.

"Cheers Arthur." Frank and James said. With the war on, maybe that would help soothe Lily and Alice's minds; they both thought, not realizing that at the moment, all the hands were at Mortal Peril.

**Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like Charm Your Own Cheese, Enchantment in Baking, and One Minute Feasts It's Magic! And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was "Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck."**

"How on earth did she make a singing career?" Fabian asked.

"How bad is she?" asked Marlene.

"She sounds like a banshee on a sugar rush." Gideon answered.

**Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan. Every now and then she muttered things like "don't know what you were thinking of," and "never would have believed it."**

**"I don't blame you, dear," she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate.**

"Thanks for feeding him properly, Molly." Lily beamed.

"No problem, dear."

**"Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday. But really,(she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate"flying an illegal car halfway across the country anyone could have seen you"**

"They have more common sense than that, Molly. Give them a little credit." said Fabian.

**She flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.**

**"It was cloudy, Mum!" said Fred.**

**"You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.**

**"They were starving him, Mum!" said George.**

"Now mum's going to go ballistic." said the Weasley children.

**"And you!" said Mrs. Weasley,**

Jaws dropped, as everyone turned to stare at Molly.

Molly looked truly ashamed, as she looked down. "I guess I must have thought they were either making it up, or just exaggerating. Without reading this, I wouldn't have thought that they would treat their nephew with such cruelly. It's unthinkable." she mumbled. "But I really should have known that they wouldn't lie about something like that."

Everyone nodded slowly. They weren't happy, but the adults all had to admit, they probably wouldn't have believed it either.

**but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.**

**At that moment there was a diversion in the form of a small, redheaded figure in a long nightdress,**

"Ginny!" the children cheered.

"We get to see what she's going to be like too!" Percy cheered. At the curious looks the adults were giving him, he said "What? With people like Fred and George, we can sort of see that they're going to be pranksters already. But Ginny just sleeps, eats and cries. We have no idea what she'll be like in the future." The adults nodded, impressed by the young boy's reasoning.

**who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.**

"And apparently she'll have a crush on Harry." Bill laughed.

**"Ginny," said Ron in an undertone to Harry. "My sister. She's been talking about you all summer."**

**"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry," Fred said with a grin, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time.**

"Well, we are the Weasleys." Bill, Charlie, Percy and even Arthur said in unison. Everyone laughed good naturedly, and Arthur continued, chuckling, "Although, we have nothing on those two." pointing at Gideon and Fabian, neither of whom looked remotely abashed.

**"Blimey, I'm tired," yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. "I think I'll go to bed and"**

"Not a chance." Charlie laughed.

**"You will not," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me; they're getting completely out of hand again"**

**"Oh, Mum"**

**"And you two," she said, glaring at Ron and Fred. "You can go up to bed, dear," she added to Harry. "You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car"**

**But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, "I'll help Ron. I've never seen a de-gnoming"**

**"That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject"**

"Lockhart?" asked James.

"That can't possibly be Gilderoy Lockhart." Sirius said. "He had less brains than Goyle Sr. and that's saying something."

**And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece. George groaned.**

**"Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden"**

"Is there any other way to de-gnome a garden."

**Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests.**

The Marauders', Lily's, Alice's and Frank's jaws dropped.

Remus recovered first. "How in the hell did that idiot write a book. The man is a complete moron."

"And a compulsive liar. Remember he tried to take credit for a bunch of pranks we pulled in fourth year." James said.

"Never mind the fact we had actually signed them." Sirius finished.

"Wait, you actually signed a prank?" the twins asked in shock.

"It was very obvious it was us. We didn't want to insult Minnie's intelligence by lying to her." James explained.

"Besides which, it was ones we wanted to be remembered." Sirius added.

"Oh, they were remembered." Lily, Frank, and Alice chuckled.

"Why? What was it?" Bill asked, eagerly.

"Well, what we did was…" Sirius started, and noticed the look McGonagall was giving him, "Wow, that's the same look she had then."

"But back to the issue," Lily said, pointedly, "Lockhart's an idiot and a compulsive liar. How he ever made it into Ravenclaw is beyond me."

"There was nothing left. He's a complete coward, only loyal to himself, and has all the cunning and subtlety of a sledgehammer." Sirius said.

**There was a big photograph on the front of a very good looking wizard with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all. Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.**

**"Oh, he is marvellous," she said. "He knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book."**

"That doesn't sound like him."

"Maybe somebody wrote the book for him." Percy suggested.

Remus shrugged.

**"Mum fancies him," said Fred, in a very audible whisper.**

Arthur glared at the book.

**"Don't be so ridiculous, Fred," said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink. "All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart, you can go and get on with it,**

"Everyone knows better than Lockhart, Molly." James said sincerely.

**and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in that garden when I come out to inspect it."**

**Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large, and in Harry's eyes, exactly what a garden should be. The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting but there were gnarled trees all around the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flower bed, and a big green pond full of frogs.**

**"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron they crossed the lawn.**

"Do they?" Arthur asked, excitedly.

**"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Father Christmases with fishing rod ."**

**There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up.**

**"This is a gnome," he said grimly.**

**"Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.**

**It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato.**

"That is an impressive description."

**Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down.**

**"This is what you have to do," he said. He raised the gnome above his head "Gerroff me!" and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso. Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "It doesn't hurt them you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnomeholes."**

"Everyone raised in muggle home always thinks de-gnoming is cruel." Marlene laughed.

"Right up until the point where you get bitten." Lily grumbled, remembering the first time she had offered to help Alice de-gnome her garden. She just happened to pick a particularly vicious gnome.

**He let go of the gnome's ankles: It flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.**

"I'm ten, and I've done better than that." said Bill, very unimpressed with Ron's gnome throwing ability.

**"Pitiful," said Fred. "I bet I can get mine beyond that stump."**

"The stump's an easy target." Charlie said, smug.

**Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes.**

"Everyone always does." Benji chuckled.

**He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge, but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger and he had a hard job shaking it off until**

**"Wow, Harry that must've been fifty feet ..."**

"Now that's an impressive throw." Percy said, impressed.

Charlie and Bill looked at each other. They were going to beat that, before they came of age, if it was the last thing they did.

**The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.**

**"See, they're not too bright," said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. "The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put."**

"Nah. They really enjoy a de-gnoming." Emmaline chuckled.

**Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.**

**"They'll be back," said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the field. "They love it here ... Dad's too soft with them; he thinks they're funny."**

"Honestly Arthur." Molly sighed, exasperated. Arthur just smiled good naturedly at her.

**Just then, the front door slammed.**

**"He's back!" said George. "Dad's home!"**

**They hurried through the garden and back into the house.**

**Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald,**

"What!" Arthur cried. Everyone chuckled at the look on Arthur's face as he put a hand to his hair.

**but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes, which were dusty and travel-worn.**

**"What a night," he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. "Nine raids. Nine! And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned ...**

"Ah, good old Dung." Sirius chuckled.

**Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.**

**"Find anything, Dad?" said Fred eagerly.**

**"All I got were a few shrinking door keys and a biting kettle," yawned Mr. Weasley. "There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness ..."**

"They always come up with the coolest stuff in there." Fabian sighed, longingly.

**"Why would anyone bother making door keys shrink?" said George.**

**"Just Muggle-baiting," sighed Mr. Weasley. "Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they can never find it when they need it... Of course, it's very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking they'll insist they just keep losing it. Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face ... But the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe"**

"Enter Mum." the Weasley boys said.

**"LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?"**

**Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.**

**"C-cars, Molly, dear?"**

**"Yes, Arthur, cars," said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. "Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly."**

**Mr. Weasley blinked.**

**"Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if er he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth ... There's a loophole in the law, you'll find ... As long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't"**

"Does this seem familiar to anyone?" Gideon asked as everyone laughed, while Molly glared at her husband.

**"Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Just so you could carry on tinkering with all that Muggle rubbish in your shed! And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!"**

**"Harry?" said Mr. Weasley blankly. "Harry who?"**

**He looked around, saw Harry, and jumped.**

**"Good lord, is it Harry Potter? Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about"**

**"Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night." shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What have you got to say about that, eh?"**

"He'll probably want to know how the thing flies." Bill muttered, while his brothers nodded.

**"Did you really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Did it go all right?**

**"Arthur!"**

**"I…I mean," he faltered as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, "that that was very wrong, boys very wrong indeed ..."**

"Nice save dad." Charlie chuckled.

"**Let's leave them to it," Ron muttered to Harry as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. "Come on, I'll show you my bedroom."**

**They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passageway to an uneven staircase, which wound its way, zigzagging up through the house. On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught sight of a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap.**

**"Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally"**

**They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying RONALD'S ROOM.**

**Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: Nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange: the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks, and waving energetically.**

"Ron's a Cannons fan!" Sirius cheered.

**"Your Quidditch team?" said Harry.**

**"The Chudley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant black C's and a speeding cannonball. "Ninth in the league."**

"Oh come on!" Sirius groaned.

"They've gotten even worse!" James and Remus said, laughing at the look on Sirius' face. "They're eighth now."

**Ron's school spellbooks were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics that all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle.**

Arthur smiled; glad his son enjoys his old comics.

**Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frog spawn on the windowsill, next to his fat gray rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun.**

**Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking one by one back through the Weasleys' hedge. Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.**

**"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning ..."**

"Oh, come on. The ghoul's alright." Bill said.

**But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in."**

**Ron's ears went pink.**

So did the other Weasleys.

"That's the end of the chapter." Sirius announced, passing the book over to James.

* * *

**_Read and Review. Concrit Welcome._**


	5. At Flourish and Blotts

**_I know this chapter is very children, and especially Percy-centric, but it's just the way it came to me. If you don't like tell me. Also if you find any spelling mistakes, please tell me. It's a pet peeve of mine, but I can't see a lot of my own spelling mistakes, as I know what I'm saying._**

**_My disclaimer's in the prologue if anyone wants it._**

* * *

James turned the page and looked curiously at the title.

**CHAPTER FOUR**

AT FLOURISH AND BLOTTS

"What could be that interesting that happens in a bookshop?" asked Charlie.

**Life at the Burrow was as different as possible from life on Privet Drive. **

"Thank Merlin for that!" the Weasleys cried.

**The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered; the Weasleys' house burst with the strange and unexpected. **

"It's more fun that way!" Bill said, earnestly.

**Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, "Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!" The ghoul in the attic howled and dropped pipes whenever he felt things were getting too quiet, and small explosions from Fred and George's bedroom were considered perfectly normal. **

"What could they be doing in there?" Percy asked curiously.

**W****hat Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.**

Everyone looked down sadly at this, until Charlie said "That's cause Harry's awesome!" and everyone broke out chuckling.

**Mrs. Weasley fussed over the state of his socks and tried to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Mr. Weasley liked Harry to sit next to him at the dinner table so that he could bombard him with questions about life with Muggles, asking him to explain how things like plugs and the postal service worked.**

Arthur beamed.

**"Fascinating." ****he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. **

Arthur looked delighted when Lily said, "I'll explain it to you over lunch, Arthur."

**"Ingenious, really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic."**

**Harry ****heard from Hogwarts one sunny morning about a week after he had arrived at the Burrow. He and Ron went down to breakfast to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table. The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter. Ginny seemed very prone to knocking things over whenever Harry entered a room. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl and emerged with her face glowing like the setting sun. Pretending he hadn't noticed this, Harry sat down and took the toast Mrs. Weasley offered him.**

"That's sweet of him." Alice chuckled.

**"Letters from school," said Mr. Weasley, passing Harry and Ron identical envelopes of yellowish parchment, addressed in green ink. "Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry - doesn't miss a trick, that man. You two've got them, too," he added, as Fred and George ambled in, still in their pajamas.**

**For a few minutes there was silence as they all read their letters. Harry's told him to catch the Hogwarts Express as usual from King's Cross station on September first. There was also a list of the new books he'd need for the coming year.**

**SECOND-YEAR ****STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE: **

**The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshaw. **

**Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart **

**Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart**

"How many books did that idiot manage to write?!" Alice asked, voicing what she, her husband, best friend and the Marauders were all thinking. Even the Prewett twins and McGonagall were confused, the former two remembering the imbecile of a boy from their last few years in school, the latter remembering the shoddy spellwork he produced in her class, and the discussions she had with the other teachers on whether they should hold him back.

James looked at the others with unveiled astonishment. "There's even more." he said.

**Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart **

**Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart **

**W****anderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart **

**Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart**

"Okay, either Lockhart's somehow managed to get himself a lifetimes worth of Dragon Claw, Felix Felixis, and Wit-Sharpening potion, or something very, very, _very_ fishy is going on there." Remus said, rather confused.

**Fred, who had finished his own list, peered over at Harry's.**

**"You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" he said. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan - bet it's a witch."**

"Probably, he always a pretty boy." Frank chuckled.

**At this point, Fred caught his mother's eye and quickly busied himself with the marmalade.**

**"That lot won't come cheap," said George, with a quick look at his parents. "Lockhart's books are really expensive…"**

Molly and Arthur winced as they thought of how they were going to afford five copies of all of those books.

**"Well, we'll manage," said Mrs. Weasley, but she looked worried. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand."**

**"Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year?" Harry asked Ginny.**

**She nodded, blushing to the roots of her flaming hair, and put her elbow in the butter dish. Fortunately no one saw this except Harry, because just then Ron's elder brother Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest.**

Percy's brothers looked at him oddly, and both said, "You're obsessed." Percy frowned, it did seem that way.

**"Morning, all," said Percy briskly. "Lovely day."**

**He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath him a moulting, gray feather duster - at least, that was what Harry thought it was, until he saw that it was breathing.**

The Weasley boys looked at each other.

"Errol?" they all asked.

**"Errol!" said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing. "Finally - he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys."**

**He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron lay him on the draining board instead, muttering, "Pathetic." Then he ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud: **

**"`Dear Ron, and Harry if you're there,**

**"`I hope everything went all right and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off.**

**"'I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course'- **

**How can she be?" said Ron in horror. "We're on holiday! – **

"You still get holiday homework." McGonagall huffed, indignantly.

"Maybe, but Remus, Lily and I were the only people in our year that didn't leave it till the last minute." Sirius said fairly. Seeing McGonagall's skeptical look he said, "I wasn't allowed my friends over, what else was I supposed to do for the first couple of weeks of the holidays, before I escaped to James' house. I even read up on the stuff we were supposed to study next year (except History of Magic, because who in their right mind would do that?!) out of sheer boredom."

Noticing Sirius was getting very uncomfortable with everyone except Remus and himself (Who already knew this, (who wouldn't with Sirius gloating that he'd already done his and didn't have to waste the last free time they had in the summer working, the git!)) James decided to carry on reading.

**'and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley?**

**"`Let me know what's happening as soon as you can.**

**Love from Hermione. "'**

**"Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then, too," said Mrs. Weasley, starting to clear the table. "What're you all up to today?"**

"Quidditch!" said everyone except the headmaster and his brother, Molly and Lily.

"It's the universal holiday pastime, what else would they be doing? Everyone finds somewhere to play even if they have to walk for miles." said Gideon.

**Harry, Ron, Fred, and George were planning to go up the hill to a small paddock the Weasleys owned. It was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below, meaning that they could practice Quidditch there, as long as they didn't fly too high.**

**They ****couldn't use real Quidditch balls, which would have been hard to explain if they had escaped and flown away over the village; instead they threw apples for one another to catch. They took turns riding Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, which was easily the best broom; Ron's old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies.**

**Five minutes later they were marching up the hill, broomsticks over their shoulders. They had asked Percy if he wanted to join them, **

Percy leaned forward, hoping to see what he was like at Quidditch when he was older, he enjoyed playing but he wasn't very good.

**but he had said he was busy. **

Percy frowned, and Charlie voiced what he was thinking.

"It must be really important for you not to play; you love Quidditch, even if you do suck at it."

Noticing his face Bill said, "Don't worry Perce, you'll get better." Smiling at the slightly cheered expression on his brother's face.

**Harry had only seen Percy at mealtimes so far; he stayed shut in his room the rest of the time.**

"What the heck are you up to?" Charlie asked, and Percy shrugged. Arthur stifled a chuckle. He remembered when he first got together with Molly; he did very much the same thing as Percy was doing. He didn't voice his thoughts though, unwilling to humiliate his son in front of his brothers and uncles, who tease him mercilessly when it came out in the book, which undoubtedly it would, if Harry, Ron and Hermione's curiosity, and ability to find things out in the last book was anything to go by.

**"Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, frowning. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all."**

Molly and Arthur beamed with pride. Percy though frowned again.

"Did they really expect me to gloat?" he asked. He didn't really like how he was coming off in these books, and made a mental note to get Bill and Charlie to slap him if he ended up acting to stuffy or pompous.

**"Ordinary ****W****izarding Levels," George explained, seeing Harry's puzzled look. "Bill got twelve, too. **

Molly and Arthur beamed brighter.

**If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame."**

Most of the adults frowned; it wasn't shameful to be head boy. The three children glanced at each other, though. They really didn't like that their brothers either felt they had to live up to their accomplishments and couldn't compare, or were ashamed of their accomplishments. Either way, they knew that it all stemmed from the same place, and all of their faces became determined. They were going to have serious words with their parents.

**Bill was the oldest Weasley brother. He and the next brother, Charlie,**

Both of whom were now smiling brightly. They liked being included in the story.

**had already left Hogwarts. Harry had never met either of them, but knew that Charlie was in Romania studying dragons and Bill in Egypt working for the wizard's bank, Gringotts.**

"Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything…"

The Weasleys shuffled uncomfortably. Everyone resolutely ignored them.

**Harry ****said nothing. He felt a bit awkward. Stored in an underground vault at Gringotts in London was a small fortune that his parents had left him. Of course, it was only in the wizarding world that he had money; you couldn't use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in Muggle shops. He had never mentioned his Gringotts bank account to the Dursleys; he didn't think their horror of anything connected with magic would stretch to a large pile of gold.**

"They couldn't touch it anyway. Only someone with the surname Potter can, whether or not they have a key. The vault won't let them in otherwise. That's why Hagrid stood outside the vault in the last book." James explained.

**Mrs. Weasley woke them all early the following Wednesday. After a quick half a dozen bacon sandwiches each, they pulled on their coats and Mrs. Weasley took a flowerpot off the kitchen mantelpiece and peered inside.**

**"We're running low, Arthur," she sighed. "We'll have to buy some more today... Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!"**

**And she offered him the flowerpot. Harry stared at them all watching him.**

Alice chuckled. "He won't know how." She said, remembering fondly when she first introduced Lily to Floo powder. Lily had thought she was mental.

**"W-what am I supposed to do?" he stammered.**

**"He's never traveled by Floo powder," said Ron suddenly. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot."**

**"Never?" said Mr. Weasley. "But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?"**

**"I went on the Underground -"**

**"Really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Were there escapators? How exactly -"**

Everyone chuckled at Arthur's enthusiasm, and Lily noticing the extreme curiosity on Arthur's face said, "Arthur, write down all the questions you have and I'll explain as much as I can over dinner." Arthur thanked her profusely, glowing joyfully.

**"Not now, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before -"**

**"He'll be all right, Mum," said Fred. "Harry, watch us first."**

**He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames.**

**W****ith a roar, the fire turned emerald green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished.**

**"You must speak clearly, dear," Mrs. Weasley told Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate ...**

**"The right what?" said Harry nervously as the fire roared and whipped George out of sight, too.**

"It is a rather terrifying prospect when first faced with it." Lily said reminiscently. Floo powder was not one of the things she had ever discussed with Severus, and she had been quite alarmed the first time, though now it was her favourite way to travel. If she didn't get covered in ash, it would make it even better though.

**"Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly -"**

**"He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Mr. Weasley, helping himself to **

**Floo powder, too.**

**"But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain to his aunt and uncle?"**

**"They ****wouldn't mind," Harry reassured her. "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that -"**

The Weasley boys listened eagerly, hoping their mum will now go ballistic, and try to get Harry out of that house.

**"Well ... all right ... you go after Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. **

And slumped back, disappointed and shocked at their mother not picking up on Harry saying his relatives wouldn't mind if they lost him forever.

**"Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going**

**"And keep your elbows tucked in," Ron advised.**

**"And your eyes shut," said Mrs. Weasley. "The soot -"**

**"Don't fidget," said Ron. "Or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace -"**

**"But don't panic and get out too early; wait until you see Fred and George."**

"That's a lot of instruction." Alice frowned.

Lily looked at her incredulously. "Now do you understand how I managed to end up in Knockturn Alley in third year." She asked.

Alice blushed, remembering all the instruction and warnings she had given Lily on their trip to Diagon Alley, the first time she had stayed at her house.

**Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a deep breath, scattered the powder into the flames, and stepped forward; the fire felt like a warm breeze; he opened his mouth and immediately swallowed a lot of hot ash.**

"Breathe in, before you get into the fire." Sirius said.

**"D-Dia-gon ****Alley," he coughed.**

"Uh oh."

**It felt as though he was being sucked down a giant drain. He seemed to be spinning very fast - the roaring in his ears was deafening -he tried to keep his eyes open but the whirl of green flames made him feel sick - something hard knocked his elbow and he tucked it in tightly, still spinning and spinning - now it felt as though cold hands were slapping his face - squinting through his glasses he saw a blurred stream of fireplaces and snatched glimpses of the rooms beyond - his bacon sandwiches were churning inside him - he closed his eyes again wishing it would stop, and then he fell, face forward, onto cold stone and felt the bridge of his glasses**

**snap**.

James touched the bridge of his own glasses, remembering the times when he had done that himself, until his parents put an unbreakable charm on them. It didn't matter if he put them in his pocket; he always managed to break them.

**Dizzy ****and bruised, covered in soot, he got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his eyes. He was quite alone, but where he was, he had no idea. All he could tell was that he was standing in the stone fireplace of what looked like a large, dimly lit wizard's shop - but nothing in here was ever likely to be on a Hogwarts school list.**

**A glass case nearby held a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards, and a staring glass eye. Evil-looking masks stared down from the walls, an assortment of human bones lay upon the counter, and rusty, spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. Even worse, the dark, narrow street Harry could see through the dusty shop window was definitely not Diagon Alley.**

**The sooner he got out of here, the better. Nose still stinging where it had hit the hearth, Harry made his way swiftly and silently toward the door, but before he'd got halfway toward it, two people appeared on the other side of the glass - and one of them was the very last person Harry wanted to meet when he was lost, covered in soot, and wearing broken glasses: Draco Malfoy.**

"Maybe, but when would you ever want to meet him really? He's only a baby and I don't want to meet him." Fabian said, earnestly.

**Harry ****looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through. Seconds later, a bell clanged, and Malfoy stepped into the shop.**

**The man who followed could only be Draco's father. He had the same pale, pointed face and identical cold, gray eyes. Mr. Malfoy crossed the shop, looking lazily at the items on display, and rang a bell on the counter before turning to his son and saying, "Touch nothing, Draco."**

**Malfoy, who had reached for the glass eye, said, "I thought you were going to buy me a present."**

"Git."

"Boys!" Molly scolded, shocked that Percy was saying this as well. None of her sons looked remotely abashed; in fact the older two were beaming at Percy with distinct pride.

**"I said I would buy you a racing broom," said his father, drumming his fingers on the counter.**

**"What's the good of that if I'm not on the House team?" said Malfoy,**** looking sulky and bad-tempered. "Harry Potter got a Nimbus Two Thousand last year. Special permission from Dumbledore so he could play for Gryffindor. He's not even that good, it's just because he's famous ... famous for having a stupid scar on his forehead …"**

"Somebody's jealous!" the twins sang.

**Malfoy bent down to examine a shelf full of skulls.**

**"… everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick -"**

**"You have told me this at least a dozen times already," said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. "And I would remind you that it is not - prudent - to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear - ah, Mr. Borgin."**

**A stooping man had appeared behind the counter, smoothing his greasy hair back from his face.**

**"Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Borgin in a voice as oily as his hair. "Delighted - and young Master Malfoy, too - charmed. How may I be of assistance? I must show you, just in today, and very reasonably priced -"**

**"I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin, but selling," said Mr. Malfoy. "Selling?" The smile faded slightly from Mr. Borgin's face.**

**"You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids," said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. "I have a few - ah - items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call..."**

"Get you locked up in Azkaban like the Death Eater scum you are, you mean." Moody growled fiercely.

**Mr. Borgin fixed a pair of pince-nez to his nose and looked down the list."The Ministry wouldn't presume to trouble you, sir, surely?" **

**Mr. Malfoy's lip curled.****"I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act - no doubt that flea- bitten, Muggle-loving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it"**

"Go Arthur!" the Marauders and the twins cheered. Arthur blushed.

**Harry ****f****elt a hot surge of anger.**

And smiled at Harry's indignation on his behalf.

**"- and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it appear -"**

"Like a sick, twisted murdering bastard. All of which you are." Sirius glared.

**"I understand, sir, of course," said Mr. Borgin. "Let me see. . ."**

**"Can I have that?" interrupted Draco, pointing at the withered hand on its cushion.**

**"Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir."**

"That's not going to go down well with Malfoy Sr." Benji chuckled.

**"I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly, and Mr. Borgin said quickly, "No offense, sir, no offense meant -"**

**"Though if his grades don't pick up," said Mr. Malfoy, more coldly still, "that may indeed be all he is fit for -"**

**"It's not my fault," retorted Draco. "The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger -"**

"Is one of the most intelligent witches I've ever heard of. And I know Lily and Alice." Remus said. "No offence." He quickly added, looking at the both of them.

The women just chuckled, freely admitting that they had nothing on this one year old witch, though both James and Frank were glaring fiercely at him. Remus shrunk back a bit at the look on the two husbands' faces.

**"I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam," snapped Mr. Malfoy.**

"Ha!" said Dorcas scathingly.

**"Ha!" said Harry under his breath, pleased to see Draco looking both abashed and angry.**

Dorcas blinked.

**"It's the same all over," said Mr. Borgin, in his oily voice. "Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere -"**

"As it should." Edgar growled angrily, thinking of his wife, who though a muggle born, was truly brilliant, and held a fascination and delight in anything new she found in the wizarding world. A trait that he saw less of nowadays, but one he found endearing nonetheless.

**"Not with me," said Mr. Malfoy, his long nostrils flaring.**

**"No, sir, nor with me, sir," said Mr. Borgin, with a deep bow.**

**"In that case, perhaps we can return to my list," said Mr. Malfoy shortly. "I am in something of a hurry, Borgin, I have important business elsewhere today -"**

"I wonder what business that is." Sirius mumbled to himself, frowning.

**They ****started to haggle. Harry watched nervously as Draco drew nearer and nearer to his hiding place, examining the objects for sale. Draco paused to examine a long coil of hangman's rope and to read, smirking, the card propped on a magnificent necklace of opals, Caution: Do Not Touch. Cursed - Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date.**

"That is sick! That is really sick! And he thinks it's funny!" Marlene exclaimed.

**Draco turned away and saw the cabinet right in front of him. He walked forward - he stretched out his hand for the handle**

"Go away!" the children pleaded.

**"Done," said Mr. Malfoy at the counter. "Come, Draco -" Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve as Draco turned away.**

"Phew!"

**"Good day to you, Mr. Borgin. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow to pick up the goods."**

**The moment the door had closed, Mr. Borgin dropped his oily manner. "Good day yourself, Mister Malfoy, and if the stories are true, you haven't sold me half of what's hidden in your manor…"**

"Oh, the stories are true, trust me." Sirius said darkly.

**Muttering darkly, Mr. Borgin disappeared into a back room. Harry waited for a minute in case he came back, then, quietly as he could, slipped out of the cabinet, past the glass cases, and out of the shop door.**

**Clutching his broken glasses to his face, Harry stared around. He had emerged into a dingy alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. The one he'd just left, Borgin and Burkes, looked like the largest, but opposite was a nasty window display of shrunken heads and, two doors down, a large cage was alive with gigantic black spiders. Two shabby-looking wizards were watching him from the shadow of a doorway, muttering to each other. Feeling jumpy, Harry set off, trying to hold his glasses on straight and hoping against hope he'd be able to find a way out of here.**

"Let's hope somebody finds him." Sturgis said.

**An old wooden street sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told him he was in Knockturn Alley. This didn't help, as Harry had never heard of such a place. He supposed he hadn't spoken clearly enough through his mouthful of ashes back in the Weasleys' fire. Trying to stay calm, he wondered what to do.**

"Good lad." Moody growled, approvingly, "Stay calm, and don't panic."

**"Not lost are you, my dear?" said a voice in his ear, making him jump. An aged witch stood in front of him, holding a tray of what looked horribly like whole human fingernails. She leered at him, showing mossy teeth. Harry backed away.**

"Good idea." said Emmaline, looking faintly green.

**"I'm fine, thanks," he said. "I'm just -"**

**"HARRY! What d'yeh think yer doin' down there?"**

"Hagrid!" Lily sighed, "Thank Merlin."

**Harry's heart leapt. So did the witch; a load of fingernails cascaded down over her feet and she cursed as the massive form of Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, came striding toward them, beetle-black eyes flashing over his great bristling beard.**

**"Hagrid!" Harry croaked in relief. "I was lost - Floo powder -" Hagrid seized Harry by the scruff of the neck and pulled him away from the witch, knocking the tray right out of her hands. Her shrieks followed them all the way along the twisting alleyway out into bright sunlight. Harry saw a familiar, snow-white marble building in the distance - Gringotts Bank. Hagrid had steered him right into Diagon Alley.**

"Thank you Hagrid." Lily said, James nodding alongside her.

"S'no trouble." Hagrid waved off their thanks.

**"Yer a mess!" said Hagrid gruffly, brushing soot off Harry so forcefully he nearly knocked him into a barrel of dragon dung outside an apothecary. "Skulkin' around Knockturn Alley, I dunno dodgy place, Harry - don' want no one ter see yeh down there -"**

**"I realized that," said Harry, ducking as Hagrid made to brush him off again. "I told you, I was lost - what were you doing down there, anyway?"**

Everyone looked at him curiously.

"Prob'ly lookin' fer Flesh-Eatin' Slug Repellent. Little buggers keep ruinin' all the school cabbages. Problem is, only place I know ter get it s'in Knockturn Alley. I really hate havin' ter go down there though." Hagrid explained.

**"I was lookin' fer a Flesh-Eatin' Slug Repellent," growled Hagrid. "They're ruinin' the school cabbages. **

Everyone chuckled.

**Yer not on yer own?"**

**"I'm staying with the Weasleys but we got separated," Harry explained. "I've got to go and find them . . . ."**

**They ****set off together down the street.**

**"How come yeh never wrote back ter me?" said Hagrid as Harry jogged alongside him (he had to take three steps to every stride of Hagrid's enormous boots). Harry explained all about Dobby and the Dursleys.**

"I bet he didn't explain _all _about the Dursleys, otherwise the next sentence is going to read 'Hagrid, looking murderous went straight to Privet Drive and tore the Dursleys limb from limb.'" Caradoc said, remembering the look of utmost fury on Hagrid's face as they read about Harry's treatment by the muggles.

Everyone nodded sagely, all of knowing Hagrid's loyalty towards his friends, and his obvious protectiveness towards Harry.

**"Lousy ****Muggles," growled Hagrid. "If I'd've known -" **

"Yep, didn't tell him."

**"Harry! Harry! Over here!"**

**Harry ****looked up and saw Hermione Granger standing at the top of the white flight of steps to Gringotts. She ran down to meet them, her bushy brown hair flying behind her.**

**"What happened to your glasses? Hello, Hagrid - Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again - Are you coming into Gringotts, Harry?"**

**"As soon as I've found the Weasleys," said Harry.**

**"Yeh won't have long ter wait," Hagrid said with a grin.**

**Harry ****and Hermione looked around: Sprinting up the crowded street were Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Mr. Weasley.**

**"Harry," Mr. Weasley panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far. He mopped his glistening bald patch. **

Arthur mumbled something incoherent, running a hand through his hair again.

**"Molly's**

**f****rantic - she's coming now -"**

**"Where did you come out?" Ron asked. **

**"Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid grimly. **

**"Excellent." said Fred and George together.**

"It is not excellent!" McGonagall said furiously.

**"We've never been allowed in," said Ron enviously.**

"I don't want to go in anymore." Bill and Charlie both said.

"Good." Said every adult in the room, including their uncles who were surprisingly serious. This put them off the idea even more. If it got these kinds of dark looks from their usually cheerful, fun-loving uncles, they never wanted to see a photograph of the place.

**"I should ruddy well think not," growled Hagrid.**

**Mrs. Weasley now came galloping into view, her handbag swinging wildly in one hand, Ginny just clinging onto the other.**

**"Oh, Harry - oh, my dear - you could have been anywhere -"**

**Gasping for breath she pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping off the soot Hagrid hadn't managed to beat away. Mr. Weasley took Harry's glasses, gave them a tap of his wand, and returned them, good as new.**

**"Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mrs. Weasley ("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). "See yer at Hogwarts!" And he strode away, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the packed street.**

**"Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry asked Ron and Hermione as they climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father."**

**"Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything?" said Mr. Weasley sharply behind them.**

**"No, he was selling."**

**"So he's worried," said Mr. Weasley with grim satisfaction. "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something …"**

"I'd love to see you get him for something Arthur. That'd make my year." Sirius said.

**"You be careful, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley sharply as they were bowed into the bank by a goblin at the door. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew -"**

**"So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy?" said Mr. Weasley indignantly, but he was distracted almost at once by the sight of Hermione's parents, who were standing nervously at the counter that ran all along the great marble hall, waiting for Hermione to introduce them.**

Arthur, who looked angry at the implication that he couldn't handle Lucius Malfoy, looked positively ecstatic at the thought of meeting Hermione's parents.

**"But you're Muggles!" said Mr. Weasley delightedly. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" He pointed excitedly at the ten pound notes in Mr. Granger's hand.**

Everyone chuckled.

**"Meet you back here," Ron said to Hermione as the Weasleys and Harry were led off to their underground vaults by another Gringotts goblin.**

**The vaults were reached by means of small, goblin-driven carts that sped along miniature train tracks through the bank's underground tunnels. Harry enjoyed the breakneck journey down to the Weasleys' vault, but felt dreadful, far worse than he had in Knockturn Alley, when it was opened.**

**There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. **

Molly and Arthur winced. Things were hard now, but clearly in eleven years, times had gotten a lot harder.

Fabian and Gideon noticed this and glanced at each other, and silently communicated _'If we die we are leaving them everything we own.' _Of course they were going to try very hard not to die, and hoped these books would help them find out how they did, so they could avoid it, but they were both on an Auror's salary, and so both made good money, most of which they didn't need. With the war on they either spent their time at work, on Order missions, or spending time at the Burrow with their family.

Still, they'd rather not die, and hoped they could spend many more years with their family.

**Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag. Harry felt even worse when they reached his vault. He tried to block the contents from view as he hastily shoved handfuls of coins into a leather bag.**

**Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking the Grangers off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.**

**"We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins' retreating backs.**

Bill, Charlie and Percy glanced at each other, and decided on discouraging their brothers from ever going down there.

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled off along the winding, cobbled street. The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Harry's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams, which they slurped happily as they wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Can non robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies until Hermione dragged them off to buy ink and parchment next door.**

"Good idea. Keep him away from that god-awful team." Remus said cheerfully.

"Don't knock the Cannons!" Sirius growled.

**In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in a tiny junk shop full of bro ken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called Prefects Who Gained Power.**

"Wow, that sounds fascinating." Bill and Charlie smirked at their brother. Percy looked at the book with thinly veiled astonishment. Sure, he loved reading, had done since he'd learnt how to read, but he generally read story books, or books he could learn things out of, like his dad's copy of Hogwarts: A History (Sure, he's having trouble with it, but it's fascinating.), and that sounded like the most honest-to-Merlin boring book he'd ever heard of.

**`A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers, " Ron read aloud off the back cover."That sounds fascinating …"**

Percy now chuckled at the looks on his brothers' faces.

**"Go away," Percy snapped.**

"Percy, you shouldn't talk to your brother like that." Arthur said, sternly. Percy hung his head. It wasn't often his father got angry, but when he did it wasn't pretty. He also didn't like the implication that he might be adding to his brother's inferiority complex by saying he didn't want him around. He loved his brothers dearly, liked playing with Ron, especially, despite the fact he's only one.

**"'Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out ... He wants to be Minister of Magic… "Ron told Harry and Hermione in an undertone as they left Percy to it.**

**An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling outside the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows: **

**GILDEROY LOCKHART**

**will be signing copies of his autobiography**

**MAGICAL ****ME**

**today ****12:30 P.m. to 4:30 P.m.**

"Ugh! We actually have to read about him? I got enough of him at school, thanks." Sirius grumbled.

"You never know, it might help us figure out how he's clearly become a well respected author." Frank said, fairly, which at once peaked the curiosity of everyone who went to school with him.

**"We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!"**

**The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. A harrassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies ... Don't push, there ... mind the books, now …"**

"I'm assuming he still a vain pretty-boy then." Lily said, scathingly. She had whenever liked Lockhart.

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to re the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mr. and Mrs. Granger.**

**"Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute…"**

Arthur scowled.

**Gilderoy ****Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly **

**white teeth at the crowd. The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair.**

**A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash.**

**"Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet -"**

"Who cares?"

**"Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it.**

**Gilderoy ****Lockhart heard him. He looked up. He saw Ron and then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and positively shouted, "It can't be Harry Potter?"**

"Oh no."

**The crowd parted, whispering excitedly; Lockhart dived forward, seized Harry's arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause. Harry's face burned as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away madly, wafting thick smoke over the Weasleys.**

**"Nice big smile, Harry," said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth. "Together, you and I are worth the front page."**

"I'm pretty sure as the boy who defeated Voldemort, Harry's worth the front page on his own." Remus said, angrily, furious at the boy he'd thoroughly despised using his unofficial nephew for his own publicity. Sure, James and Sirius had disliked Lockhart, but Remus had truly loathed him.

**W****hen he finally let go of Harry's hand, Harry could hardly feel his fingers. He tried to sidle back over to the Weasleys, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders and clamped him tightly to his side.**

**"Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time!**

**"When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography -which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge-" The crowd applauded again. "He had no idea," Lockhart continued, giving Harry a little shake that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose, "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me. He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me.**

Remus turned to the Headmaster, and said "Please tell me that's not what I think it means!"

Albus frowned. He too remembered Gilderoy from his school days, and could think of few people that he was less likely to give the position of such a crucial subject teacher to (Death Eaters aside, of course).

**Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"**

"No!" the Marauders, and all those in their year groaned. Even McGonagall was thoroughly disappointed in this choice of teacher, and was truly hoping the man had found his brains somewhere along the line, because she could just imagine what spending her time in the staff room with him would be like.

**The crowd cheered and clapped and Harry found himself being presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Staggering slightly under their weight, he managed to make his way out of the limelight to the edge of the room, where Ginny was standing next to her new cauldron.**

**"You have these," Harry mumbled to her, tipping the books into the cauldron. "I'll buy my own -"**

Molly and Arthur smiled, liking the small boy even more for his generosity.

**"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" said a voice Harry had no trouble recognizing. **

"Malfoy, I'll bet anything." Elphias muttered.

**He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer.**

**"Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."**

**"Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" said Ginny. It was the first time she had spoken in front of Harry. She was glaring at Malfoy.**

"Go Ginny!"

**"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet as Ron and Hermione fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books.**

**"Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"**

**"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those."**

The Weasley children glared furiously at the book, all of them biting their tongues to prevent them from saying what they really wanted to. No matter how deserving, they knew their mother would Scourgify their mouths.

**Ron went as red as Ginny. He dropped his books into the cauldron,**** too, and started toward Malfoy, but Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of his jacket.**

**"Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."**

**"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley."**

**It was Mr. Malfoy. He stood with his hand on Draco's shoulder, sneering in just the same way.**

**"Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly.**

"Wow. That's more civil than I've ever seen you act to him Arthur." Fabian chuckled.

Arthur frowned, however. "Say what you will, Bagnold's no fool and she won't be bought. Everybody knows Malfoy's a Death Eater, we just can't prove it, and haven't got the evidence as to have him tried under Veritaserum. But I've met Fudge, he's very in-line with the Pureblood beliefs, if not the torture and murder, and would be very easily bribed. By this time, I'm willing to bet that Fudge is right in Malfoy's pocket. I can say what I want to or about him at this point. Then, I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut."

**"Busy ****time at the Ministry, I hear," said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids ... I hope they're paying you overtime?"**

**He reached into Ginny's cauldron and extracted, from amid the glossy Lockhart books, a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.**

**"Obviously ****not," Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?"**

"Arthur's not the disgrace you foul bastard." Sirius glared.

**Mr. Weasley flushed darker than either Ron or Ginny.**

**"We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy," he said.**

**"Clearly," said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. "The company you keep, Weasley ... and I thought your family could sink no lower"**

**There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. **

Molly's yell of "Arthur Weasley!" went unheard as it was drowned out by his children yelling "Get him, Dad!" or the pranksters yell of "Get him, Arthur!"

**Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over; "Gentlemen, please - please!" cried the assistant, and then, louder than all - "Break it up, there, gents, break it up -"**

**Hagrid was wading toward them through the sea of books. In an instant he had pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart. **

"Aww…Hagrid, why'd you have to do that. We wanted to hear about Dad creaming Malfoy's dad!" Charlie said earnestly, his brothers nodding alongside him. Hagrid just chuckled.

**Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools. **

Arthur was wearing a look of grim satisfaction, despite the look of utmost fury on his wife's face.

**He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice.**

**"Here, girl - take your book - it's the best your father can give you -" Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he beckoned to Draco and swept from the shop.**

**"Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur," said Hagrid, almost lifting Mr. Weasley off his feet as he straightened his robes. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that - no Malfoy's worth listenin' ter - bad blood, that's what it is - come on now - let's get outta here."**

**The assistant looked as though he wanted to stop them leaving, but he barely came up to Hagrid's waist and seemed to think better of it. They hurried up the street, the Grangers shaking with fright and Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury.**

As she was now.

**"A fine example to set for your children…**

"It was a brilliant example, Mum." said Bill, "Dad was standing up for what he believed in, something you've both always told us to do."

Molly had no answer to that.

**brawling in public… what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought -"**

**"He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity -"**

"Git."

**But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Harry, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. They said good-bye to the Grangers, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.**

He did however write it on his list.

**Harry ****took off his glasses and put them safely in his pocket before**** helping himself to Floo powder. It definitely wasn't his favorite way to travel.**

"Nor mine." James muttered as he passed the book to Lily.

* * *

**_Now I know, Percy's never been outed as an avid Quidditch lover, but I'm taking the fact that he was jumping up and down like a mad man in POA, because Gryffindor won, shows that he likes his Quidditch, just he's not very good at it. If you don't agree, tough!_**

**_Read and Review please! Concrit welcome and truly wanted. Flames will be used to keep me toasty, cause British weather sucks._**


	6. The Whomping Willow

**_See Prologue for my Disclaimer._**

* * *

Lily turned the page and began...

"**The Whomping Willow,"**

Remus groaned. That tree wasn't good for anyone, especially his friend's son.

The Weasleys and most of those who left Hogwarts before the Marauders began looked confused.

"What's that?" asked Arthur.

"A very violent tree." Sirius said gravely, wondering what his godson was doing now.

**The end of the summer holidays came too quickly for Harry's liking.**

"It always does."

**He was looking forwards to getting back to Hogwarts, but his month at The Burrow had been the happiest of his life.**

Lily and James sighed. Harry should have had a wonderfully happy childhood. They _were_ going to change this.

**It was difficult not to feel jealous of Ron when he thought of the Dursleys and the sort of welcome he could expect next time he turned up in Privet Drive.**

Everyone shuddered at the thought of Harry going back to that hellhole after his escape.

**On their last evening, Mrs. Weasley conjured up a sumptuous dinner which included all of Harry's favourite things, ending with a mouthwatering treacle pudding.**

James smiled curiously. Neither he nor Lily could stand treacle. _I wonder where he got that from._

**Fred and George rounded off the evening with a display of Filibusters fireworks; they filled the kitchen with red and blue stars that bounced from ceiling to wall for at least half an hour.**

**Then it was time for a last mug of hot chocolate and bed.**

**It took a long while to get started next morning. They were all up at cock-crow, but somehow they still seemed to have a great deal to do.**

_There always is. _Everyone was thinking.

**Mrs. Weasley dashed about in a bad mood looking for spare socks and quills, people kept colliding on the stairs, half-dressed with bits of toast in their hands, and Mr. Weasley nearly broke his neck, tripping over a stray chicken as he crossed the yard carrying Ginny's trunk to the car.**

Arthur winced.

**Harry couldn't see how eight people, six large trunks, two owls and a rat were going to fit into one small Ford Anglia. He had reckoned, of course, without the special features which Mr. Weasley had added.**

"Arthur Weasley, what did you do to that car?" Molly hissed, furiously.

Arthur, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, chuckled, "I don't know yet Molly."

Molly glared, but let it go.

**"Not a word to Molly,"**

Molly threw him a sharp look which made him recoil.

**he whispered to Harry as he opened the boot and showed him how it had been magically expanded so that the trunks fitted easily.**

Everyone turned to look at Molly and could see the conflict on her face. On one hand she wanted to rebuke her husband for enchanting that car even more, but on the other hand she could see how helpful it would be, and it was common knowledge that the Ministry's own cars were enchanted the same way.

With a sigh, she leaned into her husband as he chuckled and put his arm around her.

**When at last they were all in the car, Mrs. Weasley glanced into the back seat, where Harry, Ron, Fred, George and Percy were all sitting comfortably side by side, and said, "Muggles do know more than we give them credit for, don't they?"**

She shot a half hearted glare at her husband, who was trying to suppress a smile, and a scowl at her brothers who were laughing very openly at her.

**She and Ginny got into the front seat, which had been stretched so that it resembled a park bench.** **"I mean, you'd never know it was this roomy from the outside, would you?"**

**Mr. Weasley started the engine and they trundled out of the yard, Harry turning back for a last look at the house. He barely had time to wonder when he'd see it again when they were back: George had forgotten his box of Filibuster fireworks. Five minutes after that, they skidded to a halt in the yard so that Fred could run in for his broomstick.**

**They had almost reached the motorway when Ginny shrieked that she'd left her diary.**

**By the time she had clambered back into the car, they were running very late, and tempers were running high.**

"Same for everyone, every year after the first." James smiled.

**Mr. Weasley glanced at his watch and then at his wife.**

**"Molly, dear"**

**"No, Arthur."**

**"No one would see. This little button here is an Invisibility Booster I installed that'd get us up in the air then we fly above the clouds. We'd be there in ten minutes and no one would be any the wiser ..."**

"You are not flying that car in broad daylight!"

**"I said no, Arthur, not in broad daylight."**

Everyone snickered at the look on Molly's face.

**They reached King's Cross at a quarter to eleven. Mr. Weasley dashed across the road to get trolleys for their trunks and they all hurried into the station.**

**Harry had caught the Hogwarts Express the previous year. The tricky bit was getting onto platform nine and three-quarters, which wasn't visible to the Muggle eye. What you had to do was walk through the solid barrier dividing platforms nine and ten. It didn't hurt, but it had to be done carefully so that none of the Muggles noticed you vanishing.**

**"Percy first," said Mrs. Weasley, looking nervously at the clock overhead, which showed that they had only five minutes to disappear casually through the barrier.**

**Percy strode briskly forward and vanished. Mr. Weasley went next, Fred and George followed.**

**"I'll take Ginny and you two come right after us," Mrs. Weasley told Harry and Ron, grabbing Ginny's hand and setting off.**

"Why does that sound ominous?" Alice asked warily.

**In the blink of an eye they were gone.**

**"Let's go together, we've only got a minute," Ron said to Harry.**

**Harry made sure that Hedwig's cage was safely wedged on top of his trunk and wheeled his trolley about to face the barrier. He felt perfectly confident; this wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as using Floo powder. Both of them bent low over the handles of their trolleys and walked purposefully towards the barrier, gathering speed. A few feet away from it, they broke into a run and CRASH.**

"Because it was." She murmured to herself, as everyone gaped at the book, the same question practically plastered on their foreheads: _How on earth do you crash into the barrier?_

**Both trolleys hit the barrier and bounced backwards.**

**Ron's trunk fell off with a loud thump, Harry was knocked off his feet, and Hedwig's cage bounced onto the shiny floor and she rolled away, shrieking indignantly.**

"Yeah, well most owls don't like being dropped on the floor." Charlie said.

**People all around them stared and a guard nearby yelled, "What in blazes d'you think you're doing?"**

**"Lost control of the trolley," Harry gasped, clutching his ribs as he got up.**

**Ron ran to pick up Hedwig, who was causing such a scene that there was a lot of muttering about cruelty to animals from the surrounding crowd.**

**"Why can't we get through?" Harry hissed to Ron.**

**"I dunno"**

**Ron looked wildly around. A dozen curious people were still watching them.**

"That's not good, their attracting far too much attention." Marlene said, only to receive a bunch of looks that said _"No d'uh!"_

**"We're going to miss the train," Ron whispered. "I don't understand why the gateways sealed itself ..."**

**Harry looked up at the giant clock with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ten seconds ... nine seconds...**

**He wheeled his trolley forward cautiously until it was right against the barrier, and pushed with all his might. The metal remained solid.**

**Three seconds ... two seconds ... one second ...**

**"It's gone," said Ron sounding stunned. "The train's left. What if Mum and Dad can't get back through to us?**

"They'd just apparate." Remus frowned, he could sense some stupid idea coming up. He could just feel it.

**Have you got any Muggle money?"**

Lily gave a depressed laugh. "As if they've ever given him any pocket money."

**Harry gave a hollow laugh. "The Dursleys haven't given me pocket money for about six years."**

"They actually gave him some before?" Edgar asked

Lily blinked and then she understood, "It'll have been when they couldn't have gotten away with not giving him any whilst maintaining their sense of utmost normalcy." She explained bitterly.

Everyone scowled.

**Ron pressed his ear to the cold barrier.**

**"Can't hear a thing," he said tensely. "What're we going to do? I don't know how long it'll take Mum and Dad to get back to us."**

**They looked around. People were still watching them, mainly because of Hedwig's continuing screeches.**

**"I think we'd better go and wait by the car," said Harry. "We're attracting too much atten-"**

"**Harry!" said Ron, his eyes gleaming. "The car!"**

"Oh no!" Remus groaned.

**"What about it?"**

**"We can fly the car to Hogwarts!"**

"Brilliant!" said Sirius.

"Inspired!" Gideon exclaimed.

"Ingenious!" Fabian cried.

"And," Lily interrupted as James was about to add his own two cents, "in complete disregard to the Statute of Secrecy, along with all the laws about enchanting muggle objects, which could lose Arthur his job or even get him arrested if anyone found out he was the one to enchant the car."

Everyone paled.

**"But I thought"**

**"We're stuck, right? And we've got to get to school, haven't we? And even underage wizards are allowed to do magic if it's a real emergency, section nineteen or something of the Restriction of Thingy ..."**

"Yeah, 'cause that sounds so official Ron." Fabian frowned, now understanding fully the consequences of the reckless idea of his nephew's. Molly and Arthur had it hard enough; Arthur couldn't afford to lose his job, never mind getting arrested. Nobody deserved the horror that was Azkaban, let alone his kind hearted brother-in-law.

**Harry's feeling of panic turned suddenly to excitement.**

Everyone groaned.

**"Can you fly it?"**

"Please say no." Bill, Charlie and Percy mumbled.

**"No problem," said Ron, wheeling his trolley around to face the exit. "C'mon, let's go, if we hurry we'll be able to follow the Hogwarts Express."**

"Well, at least they've got a plan." Sirius offered half-heartedly. Everyone glared at him.

**And they marched off through the crowd of curious Muggles, out of the station and back into the side road where the old Ford Anglia was parked.**

**Ron unlocked the cavernous boot with a series of taps from his wand. They heaved their trunks back in, put Hedwig on the back seat and got into the front.**

**"Check no one's watching," said Ron, starting the ignition with another tap of his wand.**

**Harry stuck his head out of the window: traffic was rumbling along the main road ahead, but their street was empty.**

**"OK," he said.**

**Ron pressed a tiny silver button on the dashboard. The car around them vanished and so did they.**

"At least they've got that invisibility booster." He offered again, with more enthusiasm. This time only the terrified parents, McGonagall and Moody glared at him.

**Harry could feel the seat vibrating beneath them, hear the engine, feel his hands on his knees and his glasses on his nose, but for all he could see, he has become a pair of eyeballs, floating a few feet above the ground in a dingy street full of parked cars.**

**"Let's go," said Ron's voice from his right.**

**The ground and the dirty buildings on either side fell away, dropping out of sight as the car rose; in seconds, the whole of London lay, smoky and glittering, below them. Then there was a popping noise and the car, Harry and Ron reappeared.**

"What!"

**"Uh oh," said Ron, jabbing at the Invisibility Booster. "It's faulty"**

Everyone groaned.

**Both of them pummeled it. The car vanished.**

**Then it flickered back again.**

"Get out of sight!" Moody growled.

**"Hold on!" Ron yelled, and he slammed his foot on the accelerator; they shot straight into the low wooly clouds and everything turned dull and foggy, pressing in on them from all sides.**

**"We need to see the train to know what direction to go in," said Ron.**

**"Dip back down again quickly"**

"They're going to be seen." Emmaline moaned.

**They dropped back beneath the clouds and twisted around in their seats, squinting at the ground -**

**"I can see it!" Harry yelled. "Right ahead there!"**

**The Hogwarts Express was streaking along below them like a scarlet snake.**

**"Due North," said Ron, checking the compass on the dashboard. "OK, we'll just have to check on it every half an hour or so. Hold on ..." And they shot up through the clouds. A minute later, they burst out into a blaze of sunlight.**

**It was a different world. The wheels of the car skimmed the sea of fluffy cloud, the sky a bright, endless blue under the blinding white sun.**

**"All we've got to worry about now are airplanes," said Ron.**

**They looked at each other and started to laugh; for a long time, they couldn't stop.**

"It's not funny!" Lily shrieked.

The pranksters all glanced at each other. They all knew how hard it was to stop that uncontrollable laughter when you're doing something ridiculous and insane.

**It was as though they had been plunged into a fabulous dream. This, thought Harry, was surely the only way to travel: past swirls and turrets of snowy cloud, in a car full of hot, bright sunlight, with fat packs of toffees in the glove compartment, and the prospect of seeing Fred and George's jealous faces when they landed smoothly and spectacularly on the sweeping lawn in front of Hogwarts castle.**

"Boys." All the women in the room sighed. Most of the men in the room looked highly affronted, whilst the others looked rather proud to be included in consideration to such a mental scheme.

**They made regular checks on the train as they flew further and further north, each dip beneath the clouds showing them a different view. London was soon far behind them., replaced by neat green fields which gave way to turn to wide, purplish moors, villages with tiny toy churches and a great city alive with cars like multi-coloured ants.**

**Several uneventful hours later, however, Harry had to admit that some of the fun was wearing off.**

"It always happens." James sighed, and then cringed away from the glare Lily fixed him with.

**The toffees had made them extremely thirsty and they had nothing to drink. He and Ron pulled off their jumpers, but Harry's T-shirt was sticking to the back of his seat and his glasses kept sliding down to the end of his sweaty nose.**

**He had stopped noticing the fantastic cloud shapes now, and was thinking longingly of the train miles below, where you could buy ice-cold pumpkin juice from a trolley pushed by a plump witch. Why hadn't they been able to get onto platform nine and three-quarters?**

**"Can't be much further, can it?" croaked Ron, hours later still, as the sun started to sink into their floor of cloud, staining it a deep pink. "Ready for another check on the train?"**

"Well, at least they aren't lost." Molly sighed.

**It was still right below them, winding its way past a snowy capped mountain. It was much darker beneath the canopy of clouds.**

**Ron put his foot on the accelerator and drove them upwards again, but as he did so, the engine began to whine.**

"Uh oh."

**Harry and Ron exchanged nervous glances.**

**"It's probably just tired," said Ron. "It's never been this far before ..."**

"It's not alive, it needs petrol!" Remus exclaimed.

**And they both pretended not to notice** **the whining growing louder and louder as the sky became steadily darker. Stars were blossoming in the blackness. Harry pulled his jumper back on, trying to ignore the way the windscreen wipers were now waving feebly, as though in protest.**

**"Not far," said Ron, more to the car than to Harry, "not far now," and he patted the dashboard nervously.**

Everyone exchanged nervous glances.

**When they flew back beneath the clouds a little while later, they had to squint through the darkness for a landmark they knew.**

**"There!" Harry shouted, making Ron and Hedwig jump. "Straight ahead!"**

**Silhouetted on the dark horizon, high on the cliff over the lake stood the many turrets and towers of Hogwarts castle.**

**But the car had begun to shudder and was losing speed.**

**"Come on," said Ron cajolingly, giving the steering wheel a little shake, "nearly there, come on"**

"Just land the thing and walk. It didn't sound that far. It sounded like Hogsmeade distance."

**The engine groaned. Narrow jets of steam were issuing from under the bonnet. Harry found himself gripping the edges of his seat very hard as they flew towards the lake.**

**The car gave a very nasty wobble. Glancing out of his window, Harry saw the smooth, black, glassy surface of the water, a mile below. Ron's knuckles were white on the steering wheel. The car wobbled again.**

**"Come on," Ron muttered.**

**They were over the lake ... the castle was right ahead ... Ron put his foot down.**

**There was a loud clunk, a splutter, and the engine died completely.**

Everyone looked petrified.

**"Uh oh," said Ron, into the silence.]**

"Uh oh is all you can say." Bill exclaimed, terrified (again) for his baby brother.

**The noise of the car dropped. They were falling, gathering speed, heading straight for the castle wall.**

**"Noooooo!" Ron yelled, swinging the steering wheel around; they missed the dark stone wall by inches as the car turned in a great arc,** **soaring over the dark greenhouses, then the vegetable patch and then out over the black lawns, losing height all the time.**

**Ron let go of the steering wheel completely and pulled his wand out of his back pocket.**

**"STOP! STOP!" he yelled, whacking the dashboard**

"That's not going to do anything!" Sturgis yelled.

**and the windscreen, but they were still plummeting, the ground flying up towards them ...**

**"MIND THAT TREE!" Harry bellowed, lunging for the steering wheel, but too late**–

**CRUNCH.**

"Oh no." The Marauders whispered, horrified. They'd just remembered the chapter title.

**With an ear-splitting bang of metal on wood, they hit the thick tree trunk and dropped to the ground with a heavy jolt. Steam was billowing from the crumpled bonnet; Hedwig was shrieking in terror. A golf-ball-sized lump was throbbing on Harry's head where he had hit the windscreen, and to his right, Ron let out a low, despairing groan.**

"Please don't be hurt. Please don't be hurt. Please don't be hurt." Percy could be heard mumbling under his breath. Arthur clutched his hand.

**"Are you OK?" Harry said urgently.**

**"My wand," said Ron, in a shaky voice. "Look at my wand."**

Almost everyone let out a shaky breath, knowing they both were unhurt, but then glanced curiously at the Marauders who were all stiff as a board, looking terrified at the book.

The Marauders themselves had seen too much of that tree to believe they would get off that easily.

**It had snapped, almost in two;** **the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.**

Everyone winced. Ron needed a new wand.

**Harry opened his mouth to say he was sure they'd be able to mend it up at the school,**

"Not possible." McGonagall muttered, watching the Marauders, feeling as though she had forgotten something very recent and very obvious.

**but he never even got started. At that very moment, something hit the his side of the car with the force of a charging bull,** **sending him lurching sideways into Ron, just as an equally heavy blow hit the roof.**

**"What's happen-?"**

**Ron gasped, staring through the windscreen, and Harry looked around in time to see a branch as thick as a python smash into it. The tree they had hit was attacking them.**

The others gasped and understood the grim faces of the Marauders as they remembered Sirius' words at the beginning of the chapter.

**Its trunk was bent almost double, and its gnarled boughs were pummeling every inch of the car it could reach.**

"You weren't kidding when you said it was violent." Elphias wheezed.

**"Aaargh!" said Ron, as another twisted limb punched a large dent into his door; the windscreen was now trembling under a hail of blows from knuckle-like twigs and a branch as thick as a battering ram was pounding furiously on the roof, which seemed to be caving in -**

**"Run for it!" Ron shouted,**

"Best idea you've had yet."

**Throwing his full weight against his door, but next second he had been knocked backwards into Harry's lap by a vicious upper cut from another branch.**

**"We're done for!" he moaned, as the ceiling sagged, but suddenly the floor of the car was vibrating the engine had re-started.**

**"Reverse!" Harry yelled, and the car shot backwards. The tree was still trying to hit them; they could its roots creaking as it almost ripped itself up, lashing out at them as they sped out of reach.**

**"That," panted Ron, "was close. Well done, car"**

**The car, however, had reached the end of its tether. With two smart clinks, the doors flew open and Harry felt his seat tip sideways; next thing he knew he was sprawled on the damp ground.**

"Okay, so maybe I was wrong about it being alive." Remus mumbled.

**Loud thuds told him that the car was ejecting their luggage from the boot. Hedwig's cage flew through the air and burst open; she rose out of it with a loud, angry screech and sped off towards the castle without a backwards look.**

**Then, dented, scratched and steaming, the car rumbled off into the darkness, its rear lights blazing angrily.**

"What did you do to that car, Arthur?" the twins asked curiously, thinking of all the things they could do to their furniture.

**"Come back!" Ron yelled after it, brandishing his broken wand. "Dad'll kill me!"**

"Nah, he won't." Percy chuckled.

"That's Mum's job." Bill said.

"Mum'll murder them." Charlie laughed.

**But the car disappeared from view with one last snort from its exhaust.**

**"Can you believe our luck?" said Ron miserably,** **bending down to pick up Scabbers the rat. "Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."**

"Yeah, that does sound like their luck." Dorcas nodded.

"Or at least Harry's luck." Frank chuckled.

James and Lily groaned. Their son truly did have awful luck.

**He glanced over his shoulder at the ancient tree, which was still flailing its branches threateningly.**

**"Come on," said Harry wearily, "we'd better get up to the school ..."**

**It wasn't at all the triumphant arrival they had pictured.**

"Ya think?"

**Still, cold and bruised, they seized the ends of their trunks and began dragging them up the grassy slope, towards the great oak doors.**

**"I think the feast's already started," said Ron, dropping his trunk at the foot of the front steps and crossing quietly to look through a brightly lit window. "Hey, Harry, come and look it's the Sorting!"**

**Harry hurried over and, together, he and Ron peered in at the Great Hall. Innumerable candles were hovering in mid-air over four long crowded tables, making the golden plates and goblets , the bewitched ceiling which always mirrored the sky outside, sparkled with stars.** **Through the forest of pointed black Hogwarts hats, Harry saw a long line of scared-looking first-years filing into the Hall. Ginny was amongst them, easily visible because of her vivid Weasley hair.**

The Weasleys chuckled. That was true. You can always spot a ginger. **_(Huzzah for redheads. We are awesome! I can never stress this enough!)_**

**Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall,** **a bespectacled witch with her hair in a tight bun, was placing the famous Hogwarts Sorting Hat on a stool before the newcomers.** **Every year, this aged old hat, patched, frayed and dirty, sorted new students into the four Hogwarts houses (Gryffindor**, **Hufflepuff , Ravenclaw and Slytherin).**

**Harry well remembered putting it on, exactly one year ago, and waiting, petrified, for its decision as it muttered aloud in his ear. For a few horrible seconds he had feared that the hat was going to put him in Slytherin,** **the house which had turned out more dark witches and wizards than any other but he had ended up in Gryffindor, along with Ron, Hermione and the rest of the Weasleys.**

"Huzzah!" yelled Sirius, earning glared from those whose ears he had yelled in.

**Last term, Harry and Ron had helped Gryffindor win the House Championship, beating Slytherin for the first time in seven years.**

McGonagall looked incredibly smug as the Gryffindors in the room cheered.

**A very small, mousey-haired boy had been called forward to place the hat on his head. Harry's eyes wandered past him to the place where Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster, sat watching the Sorting from the staff table, his long silver beard and half-moon glasses shining brightly in the candlelight. Several seats along, Harry saw Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed in robes of aquamarine.**

The men (sans Dumbledore) looked disgusted at the thought of wearing such a thing. Dumbledore, however, was thinking about adding to his wardrobe.

**And there at the end was Hagrid, huge and hairy, drinking deeply from his goblet.**

**"Hang on ..." Harry muttered to Ron. "There's an empty chair at the staff table ...** **Where's Snape?"**

"Say he's been sacked. Say he's been sacked. Say he's been sacked." Sirius muttered under his breath, to general amusment.

**Professor Severus Snape was Harry's least favorite teacher.** **Harry also happened to be Snape's least favorite student.** **Cruel, sarcastic and disliked by everybody except the students from his own house (Slytherin), Snape taught Potions.**

**"Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully.**

"Please."

**"Maybe he's left," said Harry, "because he missed out on the Defense Against the Dark Arts job again!"**

"Please!"

**"Or he might have been sacked!" said Ron enthusiastically.**

"PLEASE!"

**"I mean, everyone hates him"**

"He's right behind them isn't he?" James asked, again wary of his son's ridiculous luck.

**"Or maybe," said a very cold voice right behind them, "he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train."**

"James, why did you have to say that? You jinxed it. He could have been sacked!" Sirius moaned.

"Pads, the words in the book won't have changed because I guessed right."

"You don't know, it might've changed. We'll never know now!"

"Please forgive me, dearest Padfoot, for unthinkingly jinxing the potential sacking of Snivellus." James said, laughingly.

"I'll consider it. This time."

**Harry spun around. There, his black robes rippling in a cold breeze, stood Severus Snape.**

Sirius sighed.

**He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose and greasy, shoulder-length black hair, and at this moment, he was smiling in a way that told Harry he and Ron were in very deep trouble.**

**"Follow me," said Snape.**

**Not daring even to look at each other, Harry and Ron followed Snape up the steps into the vast, echoing Entrance Hall, which was lit with flaming torches. A delicious smell of food was wafting from the Great Hall, but Snape led them away from the warmth and light, down a narrow stone staircase that led into the dungeons.**

"Why's he taking them there. Minnie's there Head of House. He can't do diddly-squat to them?"

"Diddly-squat, Pads? Really?"

"Look it up Moony!"

**"In!" he said, opening a door halfway down the cold passageway and pointing.**

**They entered Snape's office, shivering. The shadowy walls were lined with shelves of large glass jars, in which floated all manner of revolting things Harry didn't really want to know the name of at the moment. The fireplace was dark and empty.**

"Wow, he really knows how to make a place feel homey, doesn't he?" Alice asked, sarcastically.

**Snape closed the door and turned to look at them.**

**"So," he said softly, "the train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter and his faithful sidekick Weasley.** **Wanted to arrive with a bang, did we, boys?"**

"Git."

**"No, sir, it was the barrier at King's Cross, it"**

**"Silence!" said Snape coldly.**

"Slimy git."

**"What have you done with the car?**

"Foul slimy git."

"Give it a rest already, Sirius!"

"Bite me, Moony."

**Ron gulped. This wasn't the first time Snape had given Harry the impression of being able to read minds.**

"Legilimency." Frank muttered.

**But a moment later, he understood, as Snape unrolled today's issue of the Evening prophet.**

"Oh."

**"You were seen," he hissed, showing them the headline: FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES.**

Arthur winced.

**He began to read aloud.**

**"'Two Muggles in London, convinced they saw an old flying car flying over the post office tower ... at noon in Norfolk, Mrs. Hetty Bayliss, while hanging out her washing ... Mr. Angus Fleet, of Peebles, reported to police' ... six or seven Muggles in all.** **I believe your father works in the misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office?" he said, looking up at Ron and smiling still more nastily. "Dear, dear ... his own son ..."**

He winced again.

**Harry felt as though he'd just been walloped in the stomach by one of the mad tree's larger branches. If anyone found out Mr. Weasley had bewitched the car ... he hadn't thought of that ...**

"Well, at least he feels bad about it." Lily muttered.

**"I noticed, in my search of the park, that considerable damage seems to have been done to a very valuable Whomping Willow," Snape went on.**

**"That tree did more damage to us than we Ron blurted out.**

"Good point." Fabian said, unhappy his youngest nephew and son of his friend were almost killed by a tree.

**"Silence!" snapped Snape again. "Most unfortunately, you are not in my house and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. I shall go and fetch the people who do have the happy power. You will wait here."**

"Dumbledore and McGonagall won't expel them." Marlene said, sounding more confident than she felt.

**Harry and Ron stared at each other, white-faced.**

**Harry didn't feel hungry anymore. He now felt extremely sick. He tried not to look at a large, slimy something suspended in green liquid on a shelf behind Snape's desk.**

**If Snape had gone to fetch Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor house, they were hardly any better off. She might be fairer than Snape, but she was still extremely strict.**

"Yeah, but she also doesn't like expelling students." Remus said, whilst McGonagall nodded sagely.

**Ten minutes later, Snape returned, and sure enough it was Professor McGonagall who accompanied him. Harry had seen Professor McGonagall angry on several occasions, but either he had forgotten just how thin her mouth could go, or he had never seen her this angry before.**

The pranksters all winced. That was never a good look to be fixed upon you.

**She raised her wand the moment she entered. Harry and Ron both flinched,** **but she merely pointed it at the empty fireplace, where flames suddenly erupted.**

**"Sit," she said, and they both backed into chairs by the fire.**

**"Explain," she said, her glasses glinting ominously.**

"One word instructions. Never good."

**Ron launched into the story, starting with the barrier at the station refusing to let them through.**

**"... so we had no choice, Professor, we couldn't get on the train."**

**"Why didn't you send us a letter by owl? I believe you have an owl?" Professor McGonagall said coldly to Harry.**

**Harry gaped at her. Now that she said it, that seemed the obvious thing to have done.**

"Everything's obvious with hindsight." Dorcas sighed.

**"I I didn't think"**

**"That," said Professor McGonagall, "is obvious."**

**There was a knock on the office door and Snape, now looking happier than ever,** **opened it.**

**There stood the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore.**

**Harry's whole body went numb. Dumbledore was looking unusually grave.**

**He stared down his very crooked nose at them and Harry suddenly found himself wishing he and Ron were still being beaten up by the Whomping Willow.**

"Yeah, nobody likes disappointing Dumbledore." Sirius said, wincing as he remembered the time he had.

**There was a long silence. Then Dumbledore said, "Please explain why you did this."**

**It would have been better if he had shouted.**

"I do know how to play my guilt trips well." Dumbledore chuckled, cheerfully.

**Harry hated the disappointment in his voice. For some reason, he was unable to look Dumbledore in the eyes, and spoke instead to his knees. He told Dumbledore everything except that Mr. Weasley owned the bewitched car, making it sound as though he and Ron had happened to find a flying car parked outside the station.**

**He knew Dumbledore would see through this at once, but Dumbledore asked no questions about the car.**

**When Harry had finished, he merely continued to peer at them through his spectacles.**

**"We'll go and get our stuff," said Ron in a hopeless sort of voice.**

**"What are you talking about, Weasley?" barked Professor McGonagall.**

**"Well, you're expelling us, aren't you?" said Ron.**

**Harry looked quickly at Dumbledore.**

**"Not today, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore.**

"Yay!" the Weasley children cheered. They had been worried, as they didn't know the two professors well yet.

**"But I must impress upon both of you the seriousness of what you have done. I will be writing to both of your families tonight. I must also warn you that if you do anything like this again, I will have no choice but to expel you."**

**Snape looked as though Christmas had been cancelled. He cleared his throat and said, "Professor Dumbledore, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry, caused serious damage to an old and valuable tree ... surely acts of this nature ..."**

"It's hardly that old, it was planted the year we came here." James said, noticing alongside Sirius when Remus cringe. Sirius elbowed him discreetly.

Though not discreetly enough, as both the twins noticed and added it to their mental lists on the Marauders.

**"It will be for Professor McGonagall to decide on these boys' punishments, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "They are in her house and are therefore her responsibility."**

"Yay!" Sirius cheered.

**He turned to Professor McGonagall. "I must go back to the feast, Minerva, I've got to give out a few notices. Come, Severus, there's a delicious-looking custard tart I want to sample."**

**Snape shot a look of pure venom at Harry and Ron as he allowed himself to be swept out of his office, leaving them alone with Professor McGonagall,** **who was still eyeing them like a wrathful eagle.**

**"You'd better get along to the hospital wing, Weasley, you're bleeding."**

Molly gasped, as the other members of the family tensed.

**"Not much," said Ron, hastily wiping the cut over his eye with his sleeve.**

They all let out a relieved breath.

**"Professor, I wanted to watch my sister being Sorted"**

**"The Sorting Ceremony is over," said Professor McGonagall. "You sister is also in Gryffindor."**

"Woo!" the Gryffindors cheered.

**"Oh, good," said Ron.**

**"And speaking of Gryffindor Professor McGonagall said sharply, but Harry cut in:**

**"Professor McGonagall, when we took the car, term hadn't started, so so Gryffindor shouldn't really have points taken from it, should it?" he finished, watching her anxiously.**

"Wow, he's got guts."

"Well, he is a Gryffindor."

"He's also the son of this idiot. I could see James saying something that stupid."

"Oi!"

**Professor McGonagall gave him a very piercing look,** **but he was sure she had almost smiled. Her mouth looked less thin, anyway.**

**"I will not take any points off Gryffindor," she said, and Harry's heart lightened considerably. "But you will both get a detention."**

"So, for being up past curfew, they're docked 150 house points, and sent into the Forbidden Forest, but for flying an illegal enchanted car across two countries, exposing magic to Muggles, and damaging a very magical tree on the grounds, they get a detention, which most likely is something like cleaning the trophy room?" Bill asked, very confused as to the old professor's logic. Everyone else frowned too, realising this.

"Maybe she was trying to make up for sending them into the Forest." Percy suggested.

**It was better than Harry had expected. As for Dumbledore's writing to the Dursleys, that was nothing. Harry knew perfectly well they'd just be disappointed that the Whomping Willow hadn't squashed him flat.**

Everyone glared at the book.

**Professor McGonagall raised her wand again and pointed it at Snape's desk. A large plate of sandwiches, two silver goblets and a jug of iced pumpkin juice appeared with a pop.**

**"You will eat in here and then go straight up to your dormitory," she said. "I must also return to the feast."**

**When the door had closed behind her, Ron let out a long, low whistle.**

**"I thought we'd had it," he said, grabbing a sandwich.**

"So did we." The children muttered.

**"So did I," said Harry, taking one too.**

**"Can you believe our luck, though?" said Ron thickly through a mouthful of chicken and ham. "Fred and George must've flown that car five or six times and no Muggle ever saw them."**

"What!"

"Molly, breathe."

**He swallowed and took another huge bite. "Why couldn't we get through the barrier?"**

**Harry shrugged. "We'll have to watch our step from now on, though," he said, taking a great swig of pumpkin juice. "Wish we could've gone up to the feast ..."**

**"She didn't want us showing off," said Ron sagely. "Doesn't want people to think it's clever, arriving by flying a car."**

"Because it's not." Lily and Molly growled.

**When they had eaten as many sandwiches as they could (the plate kept re-filling itself) they rose and left the office, treading the familiar path to Gryffindor Tower.**

**The castle was quiet; it seemed that the feast was over. They walked past muttering portraits and creaking suits of armor, and climbed narrow flights of stone stairs, until at last they reached a passage where the secret entrance to Gryffindor Tower was hidden, behind an oil painting of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.**

**"Password?" she said, as they approached.**

**"Er said Harry.**

"They didn't think to ask the _Head of Gryffindor _the password to the _Gryffindor _Tower?" Gideon chuckled.

**They didn't know the new year's password, not having met a Gryffindor Prefect yet, but help came almost immediately; they heard hurrying feet behind them and turned to see Hermione dashing towards them.**

"Woo! We haven't seen Hermione for ages."

"You've never seen her Pads."

"Oh, shut it Prongs."

**"There you are! Where have you been? The most ridiculous rumors someone said you'd been expelled for crashing a flying car."**

**"Well, we haven't been expelled," Harry assured her.**

**"You're not telling me you did fly here?" said Hermione, sounding almost as severe as Professor McGonagall.**

"Wow. That girl's got a skill." Frank whistled.

**"Skip the lecture," said Ron impatiently, "and tell us the new password."**

**"It's 'wattlebird'," said Hermione impatiently, "but that's not the point"**

"Lecture first." Lily said, wisely.

**Her words were cut short, however, as the portrait of the fat lady swung open and there was a sudden storm of clapping. It looked as though the whole of Gryffindor house was still awake, packed into the circular common room, standing on the lop-sided tables and squashy armchairs, waiting for them to arrive.**

**Arms reached through the portrait hole to pull Harry and Ron inside, leaving Hermione to scramble after them.**

"And, of course, Gryffindors, being reckless as we are, are going to congratulate them on such a stupid stunt." Lily sighed.

**"Brilliant!" yelled Lee Jordan. "Inspired! What an entrance! Flying a car right into the Whomping Willow, people'll be talking about that one for years!"**

**"Good on you," said a fifth-year Harry had never spoken to; someone was patting him on the back as though he'd just won a marathon. Fred and George pushed their way to the front of the crowd and said together, "Why couldn't you call us back, eh?"**

**Ron was scarlet in the face, grinning embarrassedly, but Harry could see one person who didn't look happy at all. Percy was visible over the heads of some excited first-years, and he seemed to be trying to get near enough to start telling them off.**

"Good." Molly muttered, as Percy frowned. He knew what they did was stupid and dangerous, but he also didn't want his brothers and friends to expect a telling off every time he saw them. He thought to himself _'Hopefully, I'm trying to get near enough to see if they're alright.'_

**Harry nudged Ron in the ribs and nodded in Percy's direction. Ron got the point at once.**

**"Got to go upstairs bit tired," he said, and the two of them started pushing their way towards the door on the other side of the room, which led to a spiral staircase and the dormitories.**

**"Night," Harry called back to Hermione, who was wearing a scowl just like Percy's.**

Percy's frown deepened.

**They managed to get to the other side of the common room, still having their backs slapped, and gained the peace of the staircase. They hurried up it, right to the top, and at last reached the door of their dormitory, which now had a sign on it saying 'second-years'.**

**They entered the familiar, circular room, with its five four-posters hung with red velvet and its high, narrow windows. Their trunks had been brought up for them and placed at the ends of their beds.**

**Ron grinned guiltily at Harry. "I know I shouldn't have enjoyed that or anything, but"**

"But you did." Molly sighed.

**The dormitory door flew open and in came the other second year Gryffindor boys, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas and Neville Longbottom.**

Alice and Frank smiled at the mention of their son.

**"Unbelievable!" beamed Seamus.**

**"Cool," said Dean.**

**"Amazing," said Neville, awestruck.**

**Harry couldn't help it. He grinned, too.**

"Of course he did." Lily sighed, as she closed the book.

"Shall we all return to the Great Hall for dinner?" Albus asked the room, to which there was murmurings of agreement.

As everyone began to leave, the Weasley boys glanced at each other, and nodded, and Bill said, "Actually, Mum, Dad. We want a word."

* * *

**_Please Review! I live for them. They help boost my mood far more than anything my counselors tell me to do! Concrit Welcome!_**


	7. Family Conversations

**_Disclaimer's in the prologue._**

* * *

Mr and Mrs Weasley looked curiously at their children, who had turned their chairs so all three were facing them. The others in the room had gone down to the Great Hall for some food, meaning they could have this conversation in private.

"What's wrong boys?" Arthur prompted, noticing the looks on his son's faces. There was something they wanted to say, but didn't know to phrase it.

"Mum, Dad, in the first book we noticed how insecure Ron was." Bill began slowly.

"We noticed too boys." Molly said, a small smile on her and her husbands' face, both of them mistakenly believing their sons thought they hadn't noticed, and were simply worrying about their brother.

"Yeah, we know, but Mum, it's more to do with how he got so insecure." Percy explained.

"We'll find out boys, and then we'll make sure he isn't this time." Arthur smiled.

The boys glanced at each other. _Bite the bullet, _they seemed to say silently.

"We think we know." Charlie explained.

Their parents looked confused. "How?"

"Well, when we were reading, when Harry came to our house, Mum went ballistic, which was a given, but then she went on to say how you never got any trouble like that from us." Bill said, slowly.

"And the way Fred responded, it seemed like it happened a lot." Charlie explained.

"And then in the next chapter, Fred and George seemed ashamed at the thought of having two Head Boys in the family." Percy continued.

"And in the first book, Ron thought he couldn't compare to our accomplishments, and his greatest desire was to outdo us."

"And, well, Mum, Dad, we don't want our brothers and sister to be compared to us."

"Don't get us wrong, we love you, and you're wonderful parents," Bill said quickly, "but Fred and George, Ron and Ginny, they're different people from us, and we don't want them feeling inferior or ashamed of us." he continued, choosing his words carefully, hating the horrified looks on his parents' faces.

"Alright?" Charlie asked, and their parents nodded mutely.

The brothers glanced at each other and knew their parents needed some time alone after this, so they each gave them a hug and kiss and went to join their uncles who had taken their younger siblings down to dinner.

Molly and Arthur sat there, appalled at the thought that they could be the reason their children had the lack of self confidence they did.

* * *

**_Tell me what you think. Concrit please._**


	8. Gilderoy Lockhart

**_I want to thank everyone who hasn't given up on this, and still review, favourite and add alerts. I love every one of you._**

**_I'm not going to give a specific date as to when I'll update, as I don't want to promise, and then disappoint, and I'm also at college again, studying my A Levels as I'm hoping to get into Med School next September, and I'm most of time is going into that._**

**_Enough of my grovelling...On with the chapter!_**

* * *

The others returned to the room after dinner and took in the faces of Molly and Arthur but decided not to comment. Fabian and Gideon had noticed the guilty looks on the nephews' faces at dinner, and seeing the looks on their sister and brother-in-law's faces decided to speak to them before they went to bed.

Bill, Charlie, and Percy had all felt guilty about their discussion with their parents, but felt they had done the right thing, and hoped their parents would understand.

Alice, after glancing at the Weasley's faces, opened the book and read the next title…

**CHAPTER SIX.**

**GILDEROY LOCKHART**

Almost everyone in the room groaned simultaneously.

"Why do we keep having to hear about him?" Sirius moaned.

"Because he's the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Lily replied sarcastically. "We're going to be hearing about him all through the book. Are you going to keep whining?"

"Unless something terrible happens to him." Sirius replied smiling innocently.

**The next day, however, Harry barely grinned once.**

"Oh come on, Harry! It can't be that bad." James complained.

"Have you noticed your son's quite pessimistic?" Frank asked, curiously.

"Just a tad isn't he?" Fabian replied before James could open his mouth. "But can you blame him with all he's been through?"

Gideon slapped his brother as everyone began glowering at the book again._" Just what we needed"_ he thought,_ "and most of them were happy again, too."_ He glanced curiously at his sister and her husband, wondering what had made them look so depressed, and what made their children look so guilty.

**Things started to go downhill from breakfast in the Great Hall. The four long house tables were laden with tureens of porridge, plates of kippers, mountains of toast, and dishes of eggs and bacon, beneath the enchanted ceiling (today, a dull, cloudy gray).**

"Sounds like an average morning at Hogwarts." Caradoc said, confused about why it was supposed to be a bad morning.

**Harry and Ron sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Hermione, who had her copy of Voyages with Vampires propped open against a milk jug. There was a slight stiffness in the way she said "Morning," which told Harry that she was still disapproving of the way they had arrived.**

"Of course she is!" James exclaimed, "She's the Moony of their group!" he continued, chuckling.

**Neville Longbottom,**

Frank and Alice smiled.

**on the other hand, greeted them cheerfully. Neville was a round-faced and accident-prone boy with the worst memory of anyone Harry had ever met.**

Alice frowned, thinking of her poor memory when she began school.

Frank, sensing what she was thinking, squeezed her hand and whispered in her ear "You were a late bloomer, remember. He's the same way. All he needs is more confidence, and this time we're going to make sure that we are there to make sure he gets it."

Cheered up some, Alice smiled and rested her head and Frank shoulder, and carried on reading the story.

**"Mail's due any minute I think Gran's sending a few things I forgot."**

**Harry had only just started his porridge when, sure enough, there was a rushing sound overhead and a hundred or so owls streamed in, circling the hall and dropping letters and packages into the chattering crowd. A big, lumpy package bounced off Neville's head**

Frank and Alice frowned.

**and, a second later, something large and gray fell into Hermione's jug, spraying them all with milk and feathers.**

"Errol!" the Weasley children shouted, smiling, determined to get back to their normal, jovial selves, if only for the sake of their parents. Molly and Arthur smiled half-heartedly at their children, seeing what they were trying to do. Seeing this, the boys smiled back.

**"Errol!" said Ron, pulling the bedraggled owl out by the feet. Errol slumped, unconscious, onto the table, his legs in the air and a damp red envelope in his beak.**

"Uh oh!" almost everyone groaned, while Fabian and Gideon stared curiously, with narrowed eyes at their sister.

**"Oh, no Ron gasped.**

**"It's all right, he's still alive," said Hermione, prodding Errol gently with the tip of her finger.**

"He's not worried about that." Bill chuckled.

**"It's not that it's that." Ron was pointing at the red envelope. It looked quite ordinary to Harry, but Ron and Neville were both looking at it as though they expected it to explode.**

"It will!" Benji laughed.

**"What's the matter." said Harry.**

**"She's she's sent me a Howler," said Ron faintly.**

**"You'd better open it, Ron," said Neville in a timid whisper. "It'll be worse if you don't My gran sent me one once, and I ignored it and he gulped"it was horrible."**

"Why'd she send him a Howler?" Alice asked angrily.

Frank thought on it, and replied slowly, "I'm not sure… Unless, it was the dragon incident?" Frank said his eyes widening.

At seeing everyone's curious looks, he elaborated, "Do you remember in fifth year when I got caught out of bounds, and out after curfew, when this lot" he gestured at the Marauders, "dragged me up to the North Tower, into the divination classroom, for some reason which is still unknown to me?"

He glanced at James, Sirius, and Remus, enquiringly.

"We'll tell you later." James promised.

Frank nodded, and continued "Well anyway, do you remember the howler my mother sent me?"

"The one about how you'd brought shame upon your whole family?" asked Marlene.

"Bingo!"

"So she sent our son a howler, probably saying somewhat the same thing, for trying to help his friends?" Alice asked her husband angrily.

"That's my best guess." he replied. He sighed, "My mother's never been brilliant with children." He ran a hand down his face, and continued, "I hate to say it, but maybe with my mother wouldn't be the best place for Neville if anything happens to us. Especially after what happened with my Uncle Algie, and by the sounds of it she didn't put a stop to it." He frowned thinking about it. Sighing, he said to Alice, "Maybe we should think about appointing some godparents, just in case."

Alice took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it gently, knowing how hard it was him to say this. He was very loyal to his mother, but knew that growing up he had his father there as well to tone down his mother's need for him to be perfect and let him make mistakes and do what he wanted when the time called for it. His mother kept him driven, and his father had kept him confident.

But so far Neville had only mentioned his grandmother raising him, not his grandfather, and Frank could only assume that old age or something else had caught up with his father.

Sighing, Frank gestured for Alice to pick up the book and keep reading, as he put his arm around her.

**Harry looked from their petrified faces to the red envelope.**

"It is a bit weird seeing the first time." Lily chuckled, trying to get the heavy atmosphere to lighten. James wrapped his arm around her waist, and gave it a squeeze.

**But Ron's whole attention was fixed on the letter, which had begun to smoke at the corners.**

**"Open it," Neville urged. "It'll all be over in a few minutes Ron stretched out a shaking hand, eased the envelope from Errol's beak, and slit it open. Neville stuffed his fingers in his ears.**

"Good idea, son." Frank chuckled half-heartedly, trying to get his mind off his mother, the time being.

**A split second later, Harry knew why. He thought for a moment it had exploded; a roar of sound fiIled the huge hall, shaking dust from the ceiling.**

"Sounds about right." The Weasley children muttered, glancing and their scarlet mother. Fabian and Gideon's eyes narrowed further, much to everyone's confusion.

**"STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE"**

"Ouch.", "Harsh." And other winces went round the room, as the wizard born adults thought back on their first Howlers.

**Mrs. Weasleys yells, a hundred times louder than usual, made the plates and spoons rattle on the table, and echoed deafeningly off the stone walls.**

Molly blushed deeper, as James whistled, and said, "Damn. That's impressive."

Sirius shrugged and said, "Meh. Nothing on my mother. Though I am still convinced that she's part banshee."

**People throughout the hall were swiveling around to see who had received the Howler, and Ron sank so low in his chair that only his crimson forehead could be seen.**

**"LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU AND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED" **

**Harry had been wondering when his name was going to crop up. He tried very hard to look as though he couldn't hear the voice that was making his eardrums throb.**

"I'd love to see him attempt that." Benji chuckled.

**-ABSOLUTELYDISGUSTED YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME." **

**A ringing silence fell. The red envelope, which had dropped from Ron's hand, burst into flames and curled into ashes. Harry and Ron sat stunned, as though a tidal wave had just passed over them. A few people laughed and, gradually, a babble of talk broke out again.**

"Now Molly," Fabian began, a frown on his face.

"We would like to remind you..." Gideon continued, looking identical to his twin.

"Of a discussion we had.."

"With you after you finished..."

"Your seventh year at Hogwarts..."

"About how you would never..."

"Send any children you had..."

"A Howler because you thought it was..."

"Cruel..."

"Unfair..."

"And shameful..."

"To purposefully humiliate..."

"Your own children."

"Furthermore," Gideon continued, ruthlessly, "If we remember correctly..."

"And you know we do..."

"This resolution came to you..."

"After a particularly brutal Howler mum sent..."

"Detailing how ashamed she was of you..."

"After old Professor Trimble..."

"Sent a letter home saying Arthur had been caught out of the dorms..."

"In the middle of the night, and you got back at four in the morning..."

"And it took no great leap of thought, to figure out..."

"What you had been up to, and Mum's Howler..."

"Detailed this to the entire student body..."

"For which you were both teased mercilessly..."

"For weeks."

"Now granted, we weren't at Hogwarts at the time..."

"We're still pretty sure we're correct on this..."

"Because you were still seething..."

"When you got home."

"Now considering this..."

"It seems fairly hypocritical of you to send Ron a Howler..."

"Knowing he's going to get teased for it..."

"And in spite of the previously mentioned vow you made." They finished together, unhappy at their sister. Despite causing so much more trouble than Molly at school, they had never received Howlers, because their sister went into a tirade at their parents over it, and insisted that it just gave other students something to taunt you with. As Howlers hadn't been around whilst their parents were at school, they hadn't realised how much damage they could do, and never sent them to their children after that summer, so Fabian and Gideon were furious that their sister would subject her own children to a practice which she despised herself, and protected her brothers from.

Molly was looking down in shame, recognizing the truth in her brothers words. She thought back on those weeks in her last year at Hogwarts, and her furious outburst when she got home. She did swear that she would never send a Howler to her own children, and she hated to discover her future self to be a hypocrite.

Everyone else was looking between the twins and Molly, caught between being thoughtful at Molly's hypocrisy, their own Howler experiences, and whether they would send any to their own children, and amazement at how long the twins could keep up their double speak without slipping up. It was impressive.

Fabian and Gideon, both seeing their sister had gotten the message, softened slightly, made up their minds to speak to her later in private, and gestured for Alice to keep reading

**Hermione closed Voyages with Vampires and looked down at the top of Ron's head.**

**"Well, I don't know what you expected, Ron, but you -"**

"She really needs to learn there's a time and place for I told you so's." Sirius said.

**"Don't tell me I deserved it," snapped Ron.**

**Harry pushed his porridge away. His insides were burning with guilt.**

**Mr. Weasley was facing an inquiry at work. After all Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had done for him over the summer...**

"Well, at least this might teach him to think before he acts." Lily murmured.

**But he had no time to dwell on this; Professor McGonagall was moving along the Gryffindor table, handing out course schedules.**

**Harry took his and saw that they had double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs first.**

"Always a good lesson." Alice said, cheerily.

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the castle together, crossed the vegetable patch, and made for the greenhouses, where the magical plants were kept. At least the Howler had done one good thing: Hermione seemed to think they had now been punished enough and was being perfectly friendly again.**

"Oh that's nice."

**As they neared the greenhouses they saw the rest of the class standing outside, waiting for Professor Sprout. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had only just joined them when she came striding into view across the lawn, accompanied by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Poor Professor Sprout." Emmaline said, sympathetically.

**Professor Sprout's arms were full of bandages, and with another twinge of guilt, Harry spotted the Whomping Willow in the distance, several of its branches now in slings.**

"Don't bother feeling sorry for it, Harry." Remus muttered.

**Professor Sprout was a squat little witch who wore a patched hat over her flyaway hair; there was usually a large amount of earth on her clothes and her fingernails would have made Aunt Petunia faint.**

James got a pensive look on his face.

**Gilderoy Lockhart, however, was immaculate in sweeping robes of turquoise, his golden hair shining under a perfectly positioned turquoise hat with gold trimming.**

**"Oh, hello there!" he called, beaming around at the assembled students. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow!**

"As if she doesn't know!" Frank scoffed.

**But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is!**

"Don't worry, we won't" Sirius sang.

**I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels . . ."**

**"Greenhouse three today, chaps!" said Professor Sprout, who was looking distinctly disgruntled, not at all her usual cheerful self.**

**There was a murmur of interest. They had only ever worked in greenhouse one before greenhouse three housed far more interesting and dangerous plants. Professor Sprout took a large key from her belt and unlocked the door. Harry caught a whiff of damp earth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of some giant, umbrella- sized flowers dangling from the ceiling. He was about to follow Ron and Hermione inside when Lockhart's hand shot out.**

"Oi! Let him go!" James said, furious.

**"Harry! I've been wanting a word you don't mind if he's a couple of minutes late, do you, Professor Sprout." Judging by Professor Sprout's scowl, she did mind, but Lockhart said, "That's the ticket," and closed the greenhouse door in her face.**

"How rude!" Marlene exclaimed.

**"Harry," said Lockhart, his large white teeth gleaming in the sunlight as he shook his head. "Harry, Harry, Harry."**

"Yes, I'm pretty sure Harry knows his own name by now." Bill said, and Charlie and Percy snorted, thinking of the 'Oh, him.' incident.

**Completely nonplussed, Harry said nothing.**

"Good idea."

**"When I heard -well, of course, it was all my fault. Could have kicked myself." Harry had no idea what he was talking about. He was about to say so when Lockhart went on, "Don't know when I've been more a car to Hogwarts! Well, of course, I knew at once why you'd done it. Stood out a mile. Harry, Harry, Harry." It was remarkable how he could show every one of those brilliant teeth even when he wasn't talking.**

**"Gave you a taste for publicity, didn't I." said Lockhart. "Gave you the bug. You got onto the front page of the paper with me and you couldn't wait to do it again."**

"You bloody moron." Remus growled.

**"Oh, no, Professor, see**

**"Harry, Harry, Harry," said Lockhart, reaching out and grasping his shoulder. "I understand. Natural to want a bit more once you've had that first taste and I blame myself for giving you that, because it was bound to go to your head but see here, young man, you can't start flying cars to try and get yourself noticed. Just calm down, all right. Plenty of time for all that when you're older. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking! 'It's all right for him, he's an internationally famous wizard already!' But when I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I'd say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven't they.**

"Yes Professor Lockhart. We call this select group of people, 'The Entire Wizarding World." Said Caradoc, in a baby sweet voice.

**All that business with "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" He glanced at the lightning scar on Harry's forehead. "I know, I know it's not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming-Smile Award five times in a row, as I have but it's a start, Harry, it's a start."**

Percy turned to all those who went to school with Lockhart, and asked, "Is he seriously this thick?"

Bill and Percy were looking at him with distinct pride, as the resounding affirmatives from around the room gave everyone a clear answer about how stupid this man was.

**He gave Harry a hearty wink and strode off. Harry stood stunned for a few seconds, then, remembering he was supposed to be in the greenhouse, he opened the door and slid inside.**

**Professor Sprout was standing behind a trestle bench in the centre of the greenhouse. About twenty pairs of different-coloured ear muffs were lying on the bench. When Harry had taken his place between Ron and Hermione, she said, "We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake." To nobody's surprise, Hermione's hand was first into the air.**

Nobody in the room was surprised either.

**"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative," said Hermione, sounding as usual as though she had swallowed the textbook.**

Many snorted at the mental image.

**"It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state."**

**"Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor Sprout.**

"Woo!" Sirius cheered.

**"The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?"**

**Hermione's hand narrowly missed Harry's glasses as it shot up again.**

"Never sit next to someone who likes answering questions if you're wearing glasses." James said, wisely, giving pointed looks to both Remus and Lily, who had the decency to blush, as they could both remember James' glasses going flying on several occasions, due to their enthusiasm.

**"The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it," she said promptly.**

**"Precisely. Take another ten points," said Professor Sprout.**

"Woo!" Sirius cheered again.

**"Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She pointed to a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyone shuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty little plants, purplish green in color, were growing there in rows. They looked quite unremarkable to Harry, who didn't have the slightest idea what Hermione meant by the "cry" of the Mandrake.**

"You'll see." All the adults said, as the three Weasley boys looked at them all curiously.

**"Everyone take a pair of earmuffs," said Professor Sprout.**

**There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn't pink and fluffy.**

"Oddly enough, it's better to go for those ones. Nobody likes to wear them, so they don't end up so worn, and protect your ears better." Alice said. The three children exchanged glances, and wished they had a piece of parchment and a quill, to write things down. They all then noticed one on a bookshelf on the other side of the room.

"Uncle Gideon. Can you pass us those?" Bill asked pointing.

Gideon turned and looked. "Sure," he said, passing them over, "Why?"

"We're going to write stuff like that down." He explained.

"Stuff that will be useful to remember when we go to Hogwarts." Charlie elaborated.

"All right, but how are you going to remember it?" Fabian asked, his nephews, curiously.

Everyone smiled at the looks of childish concentration of the three faces. The Percy looked to his father and asked, "If we copy them out several times, could we stick one for each of us in the vault at Gringotts. We'd have to go there anyway before going to Diagon Alley to get our school things."

"Ooh! And we could add to them when we're at Hogwarts, and give a copy to the twins, Ron and Ginny, when they go to Hogwarts!" Bill said excitedly.

"Yeah! Can we Dad? Can we? Can we?" Charlie pleaded.

Arthur chuckled at the looks on his son's faces, and said "Of course you can boys." Frankly he thought it was an incredibly good idea of his children's, one he wished he thought of himself. Things that may make their lot easier at Hogwarts, and as for his younger children, it could be a sort of gift from their brothers, to pass on their wisdom, as he could see each of them adding notes, and writing stories in there to explain the ins and outs of Hogwarts life, whether it be on how to keep up with their studies, which were the better school clubs to attend, or how to deal with girls, (or how not to go near boys with a ten foot broomstick, in Ginny's case). He could see this piece of parchment becoming several very full diaries, and was incredibly proud of his three eldest for their good ideas, and wishes and willingness to help their younger siblings.

Beaming, the three boys turned back to their parchment, Bill writing Alice's note about the earmuffs, whilst Charlie scribbled in a corner to go through the first book again, so to write down any wisdom gleaned from that book.

Chuckling Alice continued...

**"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right earmuffs on." Harry snapped the earmuffs over his ears. They shut out sound completely. Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tufty plants firmly, and pulled hard.**

**Harry let out a gasp of surprise that no one could hear.**

"It's always weird to see." Lily chuckled.

**Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of his head. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of his lungs.**

**Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table and plunged the Mandrake into it, burying him in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removed her own earmuffs.**

**"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet," she said calmly as though she'd just done nothing more exciting than water a begonia.**

"Well she hasn't really, considering she's got several years above them, with a couple of classes a piece, and they all handle far more dangerous plants." Sturgis explained.

**"However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up.**

**"Four to a tray there is a large supply of pots here compost in the sacks over there and be careful of the Venemous Tentacula, it's teething." She gave a sharp slap to a spiky, dark red plant as she spoke, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder.**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione were joined at their tray by a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy Harry knew by sight but had never spoken to.**

"Anyone we know?" Frank asked. The adults leaned forward, think of the parents with young children they knew.

**"Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said brightly, shaking Harry by the hand.**

"Name doesn't ring a bell..." Emmaline said.

**"Know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter... And you're Hermione Granger always top in everything(Hermione beamed as she had her hand shaken too and Ron Weasley. Wasn't that your flying car." Ron didn't smile. The Howler was obviously still on his mind.**

**"That Lockhart's something, isn't he." said Justin happily**

"The kid's just lost my respect already." Sirius muttered.

**as they began fiIling their plant pots with dragon dung compost. "Awfully brave chap. Have you read his books. I'd have died of fear if I'd been cornered in a telephone booth by a werewolf, but he stayed cool and zap just fantastic.**

"So he definitely doesn't have parents who went to school with us." James said, thoughtfully.

**"My name was down for Eton, you know.**

"Muggleborn, that explains it." Lily said, and everyone's looks of confusion at the name Eton, cleared. They all assumed it was a muggle school, though Arthur wrote it down on his list.

**I can't tell you how glad I am I came here instead. Of course, Mother was slightly disappointed, but since I made her read Lockhart's books I think she's begun to see how useful it'll be to have a fully trained wizard in the family."**

"Useful..." Marlene said slowly.

**After that they didn't have much chance to talk. Their earmuffs were back on and they needed to concentrate on the Mandrakes. Professor Sprout had made it look extremely easy, but it wasn't. The Mandrakes didn't like coming out of the earth, but didn't seem to want to go back into it either. They squirmed, kicked, flailed their sharp little fists, and gnashed their teeth;**

"It's best to ask ahead what you'll be studying, and when this lesson comes up bring a bottle of sleeping draft with you. Pop a couple of drops into the soil a minute or two before you try to pull them out. That much won't harm the Mandrakes, but it will make them nice and docile, and a lot easier to deal with." Alice explained to the young Weasley boys, who beamed at her, and wrote this down on their parchment. Everybody else just chuckled at her, she always had been a Herbology whizz.

**Harry spent ten whole minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into a pot.**

"Ask Professor Sprout to enlarge the pot slightly, or look up Engorgement Charms." Alice told the three boys, as James said, "I hate it when that happens."

**By the end of the class, Harry, like everyone else, was sweaty, aching, and covered in earth. Everyone traipsed back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration.**

**Professor McGonagall's classes were always hard work, but today was especially difficult. Everything Harry had learned last year seemed to have leaked out of his head during the summer.**

"Have a flick through your notes or your textbook in the last week of the holidays." James said to the boys, thinking about writing his own list for Harry, "It may sound like a rather Moonyish thing to do, (_Oi!)_ but it is useful. It jogs your memory."

"Also, don't leave your homework to the last minute. We do realise that students want a break during the holidays, but if do it spread out over the summer, you find it easier to remember what you studied the previous year." McGonagall explained to the young boys, who nodded appreciatively.

**He was supposed to be turning a beetle into a button, but all he managed to do was give his beetle a lot of exercise as it scuttled over the desktop avoiding his wand.**

"It's not that hard!" said James and Sirius.

"Says you!" replied Lily and Remus.

**Ron was having far worse problems. He had patched up his wand with some borrowed Spellotape, but it seemed to be damaged beyond repair. It kept crackling and sparking at odd moments, and every time Ron tried to transfigure his beetle it engulfed him in thick gray smoke that smelled of rotten eggs. Unable to see what he was doing, Ron accidentally squashed his beetle with his elbow and had to ask for a new one. Professor McGonagall wasn't pleased.**

"Yeah I could believe that." Sirius said, thinking back to their own second year. At least Ron had the excuse of a broken wand. He still wasn't sure how Pete managed to do that. He sometimes wondered how on Earth he became an animagus.

**Harry was relieved to hear the lunch bell. His brain felt like a wrung sponge. Everyone fiIed out of the classroom except him and Ron, who was whacking his wand furiously on the desk.**

"That's not going to help Ron." Fabian frowned.

**"Stupid useless thing"**

**"Write home for another one," Harry suggested as the wand let off a volley of bangs like a firecracker.**

**"Oh, yeah, and get another Howler back," said Ron, stuffing the now hissing wand into his bag. 'It's your own fault your wand got snapped'"**

Molly flushed, and the twins frowned again, at the same time Percy said "Well it was, Ron"

**They went down to lunch, where Ron's mood was not improved by Hermione's showing them the handful of perfect coat buttons she had produced in Transfiguration.**

"Yes, a friend who gloats is never good for your mood." Remus glared at James, who had the decency to look ashamed.

"True, but judging by how she acted at the start if her first year, I'm guessing she didn't have a lot, if any friends before Hogwarts, so I don't think she'd really see it as gloating. I think she just wants someone other than her parents and her teachers to be proud of her work." Lily explained.

"Maybe, but her social skills could still use some work." Dorcas said.

Remus nodded, and then said, "James, quit with that look on your face, you didn't have that excuse, you were just an arrogant show off."

"True..." James said, looking down. Remus punched him in the arm, softly, silently letting him know that they wouldn't want him to change.

**"What've we got this afternoon." said Harry, hastily changing the subject.**

**"Defence Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once.**

**"Why, "demanded Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts." Hermione snatched the schedule back, blushing furiously.**

Everybody snorted.

"Still a pretty boy as ever." Marlene said.

**They finished lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard.**

**Hermione sat down on a stone step and buried her nose in Voyages with Vampires again. Harry and Ron stood talking about Quidditch for several minutes**

"Only several minutes! Why? Quidditch is fabulous! What about the mphhh-"

"Alice, keep reading." Lily said, holding her freshly conjured pillow in place in James' face.

**before Harry became aware that he was being closely watched. Looking up, he saw the very small, mousy-haired boy he'd seen trying on the Sorting Hat last night staring at Harry as though transfixed. He was clutching what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera, and the moment Harry looked at him, he went bright red.**

**"All right, Harry. I'm -I'm Colin Creevey," he said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too. D'you think would it be all right if can I have a picture." he said, raising the camera hopefully.**

**"A picture." Harry repeated blankly.**

**"So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forward. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead(his eyes raked Harry's hairline"and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move."**

"Aww. Harry's first stalker." Sirius cooed, while everyone else looked at him like he was insane.

**Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and said, "It's amazing here, isn't it. I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you he looked imploringly at Harry"maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you. And then, could you sign it."**

"Another muggle born. That's an odd coincidence." Moody said, eyes narrowed. "Most of the students tend to be half-bloods of some denomination."

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence Alastor." Dorcas said, soothingly. Moody grunted, but filed it away in the back of his mind, just in case.

**"Signed photos. You're giving out signed photos, Potter."**

"Three guesses who, and if you need the second, you're Goyle Sr." Said Edgar.

**Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.**

**"Everyone line up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!"**

**"No, I'm not," said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. "Shut up, Malfoy."**

**"You're just jealous," piped up Colin, whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe's neck.**

**"Jealous." said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore: half the courtyard was listening in. "Of what. I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself." Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.**

"Sure you don't, Malfoy." Aberforth grunted.

**"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way.**

**"Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy. "You don't want to start any trouble or your Mommy'll have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. "If you put another toe out of line'"**

Molly's eyes darkened. Arthur took her hand.

**A knot of Slytherin fifth-years nearby laughed loudly at this.**

**"Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," smirked Malfoy. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house"**

"Get him Ron!" Bill, Charlie and Percy cried, to vehement agreement.

**Ron whipped out his Spellotaped wand, but Hermione shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!"**

**"What's all this, what's all this." Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward them,**

"Oh, come on! Can't we get five minutes without him!" Remus cried, his loathing for the pretty boy he knew rearing its' ugly head.

"I doubt it, as this chapter's called 'Gilderoy Lockhart'." Alice said simply.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it." Remus grumbled, much to everyone's amusement.

**his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos." Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!" Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd.**

"Leave my son alone!"

**"Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you." Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signalling the start of afternoon classes.**

"That photo just lost most of its worth"

**"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he knew a good Vanishing Spell, still clasped to his side.**

**"A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevey if he was photographing me, too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much."**

"Is he serious?"

**Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase.**

**"Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go, but he gave a little chortle "I don't think you're quite there yet."**

"Are you bloody kidding me!"

**They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Harry go at last. Harry yanked his robes straight and headed for a seat at the very back of the class, where he busied himself with piling all seven of Lockhart's books in front of him, so that he could avoid looking at the real thing.**

"Good idea Harry!" Remus exclaimed, agreeing whole-heartedly with this plan.

**The rest of the class came clattering in, and Ron and Hermione sat down on either side of Harry.**

**"You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."**

"Aww..."

**"Shut up," snapped Harry. The last thing he needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase "Harry Potter fan club."**

"That's true..." Fabian said.

**When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.**

**"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most- Charming-Smile Award but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!" He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.**

"Okay, first, what's that all got to do with Defense, and secondly, how in name of Merlin did he get all those awards. The Witch Weekly, I get, but an Order of Merlin?" Gideon exclaimed.

**"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books -well done.**

"Of course they did, they were all set texts, you daft sod!"

**I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in**

Nobody commented on this, as they all had to admit, it was a good idea.

**When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes start now!"**

**Harry looked down at his paper and read:**

**1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?**

"Huh?"

**2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?**

"Seriously?"

**3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date.  
On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to: 54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be.**

"Are you bloody kidding me?" Frank exclaimed, actually reading over his wife's shoulder to check she wasn't having them on. "What in the world has any of that got to do with Defence? I pity their next teacher."

**Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.**

**"Tut, tut hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdens Old Firewhisky!"**

"This is making me want to vomit." Moody said, disgustedly at the obvious self publicisation and blatant disregard for how these kids needed to be prepared for what's out there.

**He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.**

**". . . but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions good girl! In fact he flipped her paper over "full marks!**

"Of course." Lily said, feeling oddly proud of this one year old her son would come to know.

**Where is Miss Hermione Granger."**

**Hermione raised a trembling hand.**

**"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so to business He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.**

**"Now be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm." In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front row seat.**

In spite of themselves, everyone leaned forward, curiously wondering what he had brought to the class.

**"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."**

"Good advice." Elphias murmured.

**As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.**

**"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."**

Even the children let out a outburst of giggles, knowing that whilst Pixies where mischievous and annoying, hardly life threatening.

**Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.**

**"Yes." He smiled at Seamus.**

**"Well, they're not they're not very dangerous, are they." Seamus choked.**

"Not really, as long as you know a good freezing charm."

**"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!" The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.**

**"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.**

"WHAT!"

**It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air.**

Alice squeaked, after realising what she just read, and began to read at a furious pace, wanting to know what happened to her baby, Frank reading over her shoulder again.

**Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass.**

Everyone winced.

**The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling.**

Alice and Frank looked worried.

**"Come on now round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted.**

"You deal with them then!" shouted Lily, her temper getting the better of her.

**He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"**

"That's not a spell!"

**It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the chandelier gave way.**

Now Alice and Frank looked downright terrified for the health of their son.

**The bell rang and there was a mad rush toward the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were almost at the door, and said, "Well, I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." He swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.**

"He left three twelve year olds do deal with his mess!" McGonagall whispered, furiously. She then turned to Albus, who winced, knowing he was going to get a stern talking to before the night was out.

**"Can you believe him." roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.**

**"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," said Hermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.**

"Come on, Hermione!" Remus moaned, "You're supposed to be brilliant! Don't get fooled by that pretty face. There's no brains behind it whatsoever."

**"Hands on?" said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing"**

"Exactly!"

**"Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books look at all those amazing things he's done"**

**"He says he's done," Ron muttered.**

"Lad makes a good point." Moody said, gruffly, narrowing his eyes.

Alice hurriedly passed to the book to Frank, thinking that, the considerate and observant boy he seemed to be, Harry would say or think something if Neville had been seriously injured.

Frank, his thoughts parallel with his wife's, hurriedly began.

* * *

**_Read and Review! Concrit Welcome! Please!_**

**_(P.P.S. Check chapter 1 for disclaimer!)_**


	9. Mudbloods and Murmurs

**_Thank you for everyone's reviews and encouragement. Love you all. Really xxx_**

* * *

Frank turned the page and read quickly,

**Mudbloods and Murmurs**

Everyone's faces darkened immediately at the title.

**Harry spent a lot of time over the next few days dodging out of sight whenever he saw Gilderoy Lockhart coming down a corridor.**

"Good idea, kid." Moody said, gruffly.

**Harder to avoid was Colin Creevey, who seemed to have memorized Harry's schedule. Nothing seemed to give Colin a bigger thrill than to say, "All right, Harry?" six or seven times a day and hear, "Hello, Colin," back, however exasperated Harry sounded when he said it.**

"That's just sad…" Gideon murmured.

**Hedwig was still angry with Harry about the disastrous car journey**

"Well, come on Harry, I'd be cheesed off too if it was me who got stuck in a car that crashed in a tree, and then got chucked on the floor." Marlene chuckled.

**and Ron's wand was still malfunctioning,**

"Not surprising, kid needs a new wand." Aberforth muttered.

**surpassing itself on Friday morning by shooting out of Ron's hand in Charms and hitting tiny old Professor Flitwick squarely between the eyes, creating a large, throbbing green boil where it had struck.**

"Poor Professor Flitwick." Lily said, quietly.

**So with one thing and another, Harry was quite glad to reach the weekend.**

"Yeah, I would be too…that seems like one hell of a sucky first week back." Sirius chuckled.

"Sirius, you were always glad to reach the weekend, it didn't matter where in the year you were." Remus said dryly.

"Not true, I always looked forward to the week when we went back to school."

"The summer doesn't count and you know it Pads, you were stuck in that madhouse until you escaped to mine." James laughed. Sirius huffed.

**He, Ron, and Hermione were planning to visit Hagrid on Saturday morning. Harry, however, was shaken awake several hours earlier than he would have liked by Oliver Wood, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.**

**"Whassamatter?" said Harry groggily.**

"Quidditch practice, Harry! Get with it!" James cried, to much amusement.

**"Quidditch practice!" said Wood. "Come on!"**

**Harry squinted at the window. There was a thin mist hanging across the pink-and-gold sky. Now that he was awake, he couldn't understand how he could have slept through the racket the birds were making.**

"It's the crack of dawn!" Lily cried.

"Exactly!" James replied, unfazed, for once, by his wife's infamous glare.

**"Oliver," Harry croaked. "It's the crack of dawn."**

**"Exactly," said Wood.**

Everyone chuckled, whilst James looked smugly at Lily's exasperated face.

**He was a tall and burly sixth year and, at the moment, his eyes were gleaming with a crazed enthusiasm. "It's part of our new training program. Come on, grab your broom, and let's go," said Wood heartily. "None of the other teams have started training yet; we're going to be first off the mark this year**

"For good reason, we're not mental." Edgar muttered, shaking his head.

**Yawning and shivering slightly, Harry climbed out of bed and tried to find his Quidditch robes.**

**"Good man," said Wood. "Meet you on the field in fifteen minutes."**

"Now who does that remind you of Remus?" Sirius asked, grinning, mock curiosity in his voice.

"I have no idea, Sirius." Remus replied, just as sarcastically, smiling at James.

James didn't look remotely abashed, and simply looked at Frank pointedly, as an indication that he should start reading again.

**When he'd found his scarlet team robes and pulled on his cloak for warmth, Harry scribbled a note to Ron explaining where he'd gone**

"Well that's nice of him, James just expected us to find him when he disappeared." Said Remus.

"And in a huge castle, and with as much mischief as we got into, not the easiest thing in the world." Sirius continued. As everyone chuckled at the slight blush on James' cheeks, Sirius muttered to Remus, "Thank Merlin we had the map, though"

"And he was considerate enough to leave it, and risk getting caught in whatever he was doing, so we shouldn't moan too much." Remus replied.

"Yeah, he's an alright bloke really. It's a good thing we keep him around, to be honest." Sirius carried on, knowing full well James could hear them.

"Well, that, and you're completely besotted by your godson, and wouldn't be able to see him if you didn't keep James around."

"Oi!"

"What, you mean you don't like spending time with Harry, Sirius?" James chuckled at the look on his best friend's face.

"No, it's not that, I love the kid, you know that. I just wouldn't phrase it like that. Besotted sound so...girly." Sirius scrunched up his face at the idea, as his best friends burst out laughing at his expression and tone, whilst everyone else at the table, not having heard the quiet exchange, looked at them like they'd lost their minds.

Except for Lily. She was used to this. She knew they'd lost their minds years ago.

**and went down the spiral staircase to the common room, his Nimbus Two Thousand on his shoulder. He had just reached the portrait hole when there was a clatter behind him and Colin Creevey came dashing down the spiral staircase,**

"Sirius was right, the kid really is a stalker." Caradoc muttered, "Harry said it was the crack of dawn. Who in their right mind gets up at that time?"

"Lily." stated all the Gryffindors that went to school with her.

As everyone turned and stared at her, she blushed and said "I'm a morning person, deal with it!"

**his camera swinging madly around his neck and something clutched in his hand.**

**"I heard someone saying your name on the stairs, Harry! Look what I've got here! I've had it developed; I wanted to show you**

**Harry looked bemusedly at the photograph Colin was brandishing under his nose.**

**A moving, black-and-white Lockhart was tugging hard on an arm Harry recognized as his own. He was pleased to see that his photographic self was putting up a good fight and refusing to be dragged into view. As Harry watched, Lockhart gave up and slumped, panting, against the white edge of the picture.**

"Wimpy git. Even his photo self is useless. Can't even pull the world scrawniest twelve year old into a bloody picture." Fabian chuckled.

**"Will you sign it?" said Colin eagerly.**

"Seriously?"

**"No," said Harry flatly, glancing around to check that the room was really deserted. "Sorry, Colin, I'm in a hurry Quidditch practice**

"Good lad, prioritise." James told the book seriously, whilst everyone else muffled their laughter.

**He climbed through the portrait hole.**

**"Oh, wow! Wait for me! I've never watched a Quidditch game before!"**

**Colin scrambled through the hole after him.**

"Oh, come on!"

**"It'll be really boring," Harry said quickly,**

"Harry! Don't lie to people, it's not nice"

"Pot, cauldron, black much, Prongs?"

"Shut it!"

**but Colin ignored him, his face shining with excitement.**

"**You were the youngest House player in a hundred years, weren't you, Harry? Weren't you?" said Colin, trotting alongside him. "You must be brilliant. I've never flown. Is it easy? Is that your own broom? Is that the best one there is?"**

**Harry didn't know how to get rid of him. It was like having an extremely talkative shadow.**

"Hmm, that's an idea." Sirius had what the marauders liked to call his 'thinking face' on. What everyone else referred to as his 'Run for cover before something explodes' face.

**"I don't really understand Quidditch," said Colin breathlessly. "Is it true there are four balls? And two of them fly around trying to knock people off their brooms?"**

**"Yes," said Harry heavily, resigned to explaining the complicated rules of Quidditch.**

"It's not complica-Ouch!"

"Enough, James!" his wife sighed, exasperated.

"**They're called Bludgers. There are two Beaters on each team who carry clubs to beat the Bludgers away from their side. Fred and George Weasley are the Gryffindor Beaters."**

"**And what are the other balls for?" Colin asked, tripping down a couple of steps because he was gazing open-mouthed at Harry.**

"**Well, the Quaffle that's the biggish red one is the one that scores goals. Three Chasers on each team throw the Quaffle to each other and try and get it through the goal posts at the end of the pitch they're three long poles with hoops on the end."**

"**And the fourth ball**

"**- is the Golden Snitch," said Harry, "and it's very small, very fast, and difficult to catch. But that's what the Seeker's got to do, because a game of Quidditch doesn't end until the Snitch has been caught. And whichever team's Seeker gets the Snitch earns his team an extra hundred and fifty points."**

"**And you're the Gryffindor Seeker, aren't you?" said Colin in awe.**

"**Yes," said Harry as they left the castle and started across the dew-drenched grass. "And there's the Keeper, too. He guards the goal posts. That's it, really."**

**But Colin didn't stop questioning Harry all the way down the sloping lawns to the Quidditch field, and Harry only shook him off when he reached the changing rooms; Colin called after him in a piping voice, "I'll go and get a good seat, Harry!" and hurried off to the stands.**

**The rest of the Gryffindor team were already in the changing room. Wood was the only person who looked truly awake. Fred and George Weasley were sitting, puffy-eyed and tousle haired, next to fourth year Alicia Spinnet, who seemed to be nodding off against the wall behind her. Her fellow Chasers, Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson, were yawning side by side opposite them.**

"He could have at least told them the day before that they had an early practice. You know, while they were awake." Arthur frowned. Even James couldn't argue that.

**"There you are, Harry, what kept you?" said Wood briskly. "Now, I wanted a quick talk with you all before we actually get onto the field, because I spent the summer devising a whole new training program, which I really think will make all the difference ..."**

**Wood was holding up a large diagram of a Quidditch field, on which were drawn many lines, arrows, and crosses in different coloured inks. He took out his wand, tapped the board, and the arrows began to wiggle over the diagram like caterpillars. As Wood launched into a speech about his new tactics, Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore.**

James scowled.

**The first board took nearly twenty minutes to explain, but there was another board under that, and a third under that one. Harry sank into a stupor as Wood droned on and on.**

**"So," said Wood, at long last, jerking Harry from a wistful fantasy about what he could be eating for breakfast at this very moment up at the castle. "Is that clear? Any questions?"**

**"I've got a question, Oliver," said George, who had woken with a start. "Why couldn't you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?"**

Everyone chuckled at the likeness between father and son, while Arthur smiled.

**Wood wasn't pleased.**

**"Now, listen here, you lot," he said, glowering at them all. "We should have won the Quidditch cup last year. We're easily the best team. But unfortunately -owing to circumstances beyond our control**

**Harry shifted guiltily in his seat. He had been unconscious in the hospital wing for the final match of the previous year, meaning that Gryffindor had been a player short and had suffered their worst defeat in three hundred years.**

"Why on earth didn't they have a reserve seeker?" James thundered, trying to keep his mind off of the fact that his son had almost died, and he hadn't been there to protect him. "I always made sure we had a reserve team!"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, but you were the only one. Most Captains don't think to do that," McGonagall explained.

"Why not, professional teams do."

"Yes, but this is school, and unlike you, most students don't ask one of Puddlemere United's beaters for help in drawing up your training regimen." Remus reminded him.

As everyone stared at him, James blushed and said "Geoff said he owed me a favour, and to ask if I ever need anything."

"Why did you owe him a favour?" Frank asked, astounded.

"I introduced him to his wife." James replied, to which Sirius, Remus, and Lily all snorted.

"Introduced is a loose term, dear," Lily chuckled, having heard the story from James' mother, "You were eight, there was a party at your house, and you tripped over your dress robes and spilled chocolate milk over them both."

James blushed, as everyone laughed at him, and countered, "Whatever, the end result was the same, and he said he owed me a favour. That was what I asked for."

Still chuckling, Frank continued

**Wood took a moment to regain control of himself. Their last defeat was clearly still torturing him.**

**"So this year, we train harder than ever before ... Okay, let's go and put our new theories into practice!" Wood shouted, seizing his broomstick and leading the way out of the locker rooms. Stiff legged and still yawning, his team followed.**

**They had been in the locker room so long that the sun was up completely now, although remnants of mist hung over the grass in the stadium. As Harry walked onto the field, he saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the stands.**

"You know, there's such a thing as overkill." said Sturgis. James looked scandalised.

**"Aren't you finished yet?" called Ron incredulously.**

**"Haven't even started," said Harry, looking jealously at the toast and marmalade Ron and Hermione had brought out of the Great Hall. "Wood's been teaching us new moves."**

"Attempting might better explain the situation."

**He mounted his broomstick and kicked at the ground, soaring up into the air. The cool morning air whipped his face, waking him far more effectively than Wood's long talk.**

Charlie quickly wrote down "Get team to fly a couple of laps around the pitch before talking in an early morning training session." on his parchment, remembering Ron saying he was Quidditch Captain in the first book.

**It felt wonderful to be back on the Quidditch field. He soared right around the stadium at full speed, racing Fred and George.**

**"What's that funny clicking noise?" called Fred as they hurtled around the corner.**

**Harry looked into the stands. Colin was sitting in one of the highest seats, his camera raised, taking picture after picture, the sound strangely magnified in the deserted stadium.**

**"Look this way, Harry! This way!" he cried shrilly.**

**"Who's that?" said Fred.**

**"No idea," Harry lied, putting on a spurt of speed that took him as far away as possible from Colin.**

**"What's going on?" said Wood, frowning, as he skimmed through the air toward them. "Why's that first year taking pictures? I don't like it. He could be a Slytherin spy, trying to find out about our new training program."**

**"He's in Gryffindor," said Harry quickly.**

"I thought he said he didn't know him." Gideon chuckled.

"Well, fair play to him, I mean did you know every Gryffindor while we were at school?" his brother asked.

"Well, no, but-"

"But could you pick out a Gryffindor when you saw them?"

"Alright, alright shut it you." Gideon grumbled, elbowing his twin in the ribs when he didn't stop chuckling.

**"And the Slytherins don't need a spy, Oliver," said George.**

**"What makes you say that?" said Wood testily.**

"Yeah, they usually sent one when we were training." Sirius frowned.

"And then started fights to try and us banned from our games." James scowled.

"Why didn't you tell a teacher?" Alice asked sarcastically, expecting them to reply with some long winded explanation of how they pranked the hell out of the Slytherin spies instead, and that showed them.

"We did." They replied, much to everyone's astonishment. Seeing everyone's disbelieving faces, Sirius and James both gestured to a chuckling Professor McGonagall.

"Yes, that's exactly what I thought when they came to me. But apparently the team valued their place in the running far too much to risk their own revenge (It's _Quidditch!)_. Their complaints were actually what started the rule about teams sharing practice time, and others being in the stands whilst practice is on."

"But Ron and Hermione and that Creevey kid are all there." Percy said, confused.

"It's a rarely enforced rule," she explained, "and it's at the team's discretion. Most team members don't mind having people come and watch. It usually results in encouragement for the team, and helps team members with bouts of nerves to overcome them. It's only in the cases where audience members are being actively disruptive and distracting, or trying to steal other teams training plans that when they ask, we ban people from the pitch during training times. But like I say, it's for the team to decide.

Percy and Bill nodded, interested, while Charlie scribbled furiously on his parchment.

**"Because they're here in person," said George, pointing. Several people in green robes were walking onto the field, broomsticks in their hands.**

"That, however, is not allowed. Unless two teams book the pitch together, wishing for some friendly completion and practice, only one team may practice on the pitch at any one time." She frowned.

"Why's that?" Bill asked.

"Put simply, there were too many injuries. Whenever Slytherins and Gryffindors invaded each other's training time, it was a bloodbath. Fourteen people bearing strong grudges towards each other, no supervision, and two, if not four Bludgers to pelt at each other, never mind players blatantly attacking each other in the air. We saw one injury too many, and after Sirius and James came to me with their complaints about the Slytherins trying to curse their team members in the air, we stamped down on it. Enough was enough."

**"I don't believe it!" Wood hissed in outrage. "I booked the field for today! We'll see about this!" Wood shot toward the ground, landing rather harder than he meant to in his anger, staggering slightly as he dismounted. Harry, Fred, and George followed. "Flint!" Wood bellowed at the Slytherin Captain. "This is our practice time! We got up specially! You can clear off now!"**

**Marcus Flint was even larger than Wood. He had a look of trollish cunning on his face as he replied, "Plenty of room for all of us, Wood." Angelina, Alicia, and Katie had come over, too. There were no girls on the Slytherin team, who stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the Gryffindors, leering to a man.**

**"Ah," said Flint. "But I've got a specially signed note here from Professor Snape. `I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker.**

"For future reference, boys, they can't do that." McGonagall said, frowning at the book, "It's written in the school rules. The Quidditch pitch is neutral ground, and so a Head of House cannot override a booking. Only Professor Dumbledore or Madame Hooch can, and only in circumstances where it deliberately impedes the training opportunities for other teams, like when one team books up every training time slot, so that others cannot use the pitch."

Bill, Percy, and Charlie were all writing this down eagerly, whilst the adults were smiling at them, or frowning at the book.

**"You've got a new Seeker?" said Wood, distracted. "Where?"**

**And from behind the six large figures before them came a seventh, smaller boy, smirking all over his pale, pointed face. It was Draco Malfoy.**

"How did I know that name was coming up?" Sirius moaned.

**"Aren't you Lucius Malfoy's son?" said Fred, looking at Malfoy with dislike.**

"Well being related that git is enough to dislike anyone." Sirius said wisely.

"Especially if Arthur passed down the family grudge to all of his children." Fabian said slyly, glancing at his blushing brother in law.

**"Funny you should mention Draco's father," said Flint as the whole Slytherin team smiled still more broadly. "Let me show you the generous gift he's made to the Slytherin team."**

**All seven of them held out their broomsticks. Seven highly polished, brand-new handles and seven sets of fine gold lettering spelling the words Nimbus Two Thousand and One gleamed under the Gryffindors' noses in the early morning sun.**

"What idiot accepts bribery as access to a Quidditch team. If you're rolling in Galleons, but can't fly to save your life, there's no point in having you on the team. Especially in such a crucial position as Seeker!" James ranted, angrily.

**"Very latest model. Only came out last month," said Flint carelessly, flicking a speck of dust from the end of his own. "I believe it outstrips the old Two Thousand series by a considerable amount. As for the old Cleansweeps he smiled nastily at Fred and George, who were both clutching Cleansweep Fives"sweeps the board with them."**

**None of the Gryffindor team could think of anything to say for a moment. Malfoy was smirking so broadly his cold eyes were reduced to slits.**

"Oh come on, you should know that it's the person on the broom that matters!" James cried, to much agreement, though only Professor McGonagall's was as enthusiastic as his.

**"Oh, look," said Flint. "A field invasion."**

**Ron and Hermione were crossing the grass to see what was going on.**

**"What's happening?" Ron asked Harry. "Why aren't you playing? And what's he doing here?"**

**He was looking at Malfoy, taking in his Slytherin Quidditch robes.**

**"I'm the new Slytherin Seeker, Weasley," said Malfoy, smugly. "Everyone's just been admiring the brooms my father's bought our team.**

**Ron gaped, open-mouthed, at the seven superb broomsticks in front of him.**

**"Good, aren't they?" said Malfoy smoothly. "But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them."**

**The Slytherin team howled with laughter.**

**"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in," said Hermione sharply. "They got in on pure talent."**

"See!" James cried, gesturing at the book in Franks hand, "There's a girl with her head on straight!"

"Yes, James. We get it! The broom doesn't make the player!" Lily glared, tired of the yelling in her ear. "Now sit down and shut up!"

"You'll be sleeping on the sofa, if you're not careful mate." Sirius whispered, smiling.

"He'll be sleeping in the garden if he's not careful!" Lily growled, having overheard Sirius. James briefly considered asking Remus to silence him just in case, not wishing to further incite his wife's ire, but gauging her mood, decided he still had a bit to go before she reached danger point, and would save his request for when she was more worked up,

**The smug look on Malfoy's face flickered.**

**"No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood," he spat.**

On every face there was varying shades of disgust and outrage. Even the children knew it was an abhorrent word to call someone. All of the adults were murderous. They all had at least one muggleborn friend who had been called that unforgivable word, and the hurt it inflicted was the same every time. Everyone in the room was speechless in their ire.

Frank continued, repugnance and fury evident in every syllable,

**Harry knew at once that Malfoy had said something really bad because there was an instant uproar at his words. Flint had to dive in front of Malfoy to stop Fred and George jumping on him, Alicia shrieked, "How dare you! and Ron plunged his hand into his robes, pulled out his wand, yelling, "You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!" and pointed it furiously under Flint's arm at Malfoy's face.**

"Uh oh." The twins muttered.

**A loud bang echoed around the stadium and a jet of green light shot out of the wrong end of Ron's wand, hitting him in the stomach and sending him reeling backward onto the grass.**

Molly gasped, "Is he alright?"

**"Ron! Ron! Are you all right?" squealed Hermione.**

**Ron opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead he gave an almighty belch and several slugs dribbled out of his mouth onto his lap.**

Everyone cringed as Bill, Charlie, and Percy all cried "Ewww!"

Marlene winced, "That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, especially for a second year. But with a broken wand, that was a disaster waiting to happen. On the upside though, that probably means he could work it with a fully functioning wand." At everyone's incredulous looks, say said "I know it's not much of a bright side, but it's something at least." Rolling their eyes, everyone turned back to Frank.

**The Slytherin team were paralyzed with laughter. Flint was doubled up, hanging onto his new broomstick for support. Malfoy was on all fours, banging the ground with his fist. The Gryffindors were gathered around Ron, who kept belching large, glistening slugs. Nobody seemed to want to touch him.**

**"We'd better get him to Hagrid's, it's nearest," said Harry to Hermione, who nodded bravely, and the pair of them pulled Ron up by the arms.**

"Good friends." Emmaline muttered.

**"What happened, Harry? What happened? Is he ill? But you can cure him, can't you?" Colin had run down from his seat and was now dancing alongside them as they left the field. Ron gave a huge heave and more slugs dribbled down his front.**

**"Oooh," said Colin, fascinated and raising his camera. "Can you hold him still, Harry?"**

**"Get out of the way, Colin!" said Harry angrily. He and Hermione supported Ron out of the stadium and across the grounds toward the edge of the forest.**

**"Nearly there, Ron," said Hermione as the gamekeeper's cabin came into view. "You'll be all right in a minute almost there**

**They were within twenty feet of Hagrid's house when the front door opened, but it wasn't Hagrid who emerged. Gilderoy Lockhart, wearing robes of palest mauve today, came striding out.**

"Oh, Merlin, not him!" Remus exclaimed. "Hide!"

**"Quick, behind here," Harry hissed, dragging Ron behind a nearby bush. Hermione followed, somewhat reluctantly.**

**"It's a simple matter if you know what you're doing!" Lockhart was saying loudly to Hagrid. "If you need help, you know where I am! I'll let you have a copy of my book. I'm surprised you haven't already got one I'll sign one tonight and send it over. Well, good-bye!" And he strode away toward the castle.**

"Poor Hagrid. Having to put up with that moron."

**Harry waited until Lockhart was out of sight, then pulled Ron out of the bush and up to Hagrid's front door. They knocked urgently.**

**Hagrid appeared at once, looking very grumpy, but his expression brightened when he saw who it was.**

**"Bin wonderin' when you'd come ter see me come in, come in thought you mighta bin Professor Lockhart back again**

**Harry and Hermione supported Ron over the threshold into the one-roomed cabin, which had an enormous bed in one corner, a fire crackling merrily in the other. Hagrid didn't seem perturbed by Ron's slug problem, which Harry hastily explained as he lowered Ron into a chair.**

**"Better out than in," he said cheerfully, plunking a large copper basin in front of him. "Get 'em all up, Ron."**

"Lovely."

**"I don't think there's anything to do except wait for it to stop," said Hermione anxiously, watching Ron bend over the basin. "That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, but with a broken wand**

**Hagrid was bustling around making them tea. His boarhound, Fang, was slobbering over Harry.**

**"What did Lockhart want with you, Hagrid?" Harry asked, scratching Fang's ears.**

**"Givin' me advice on gettin' kelpies out of a well," growled Hagrid,**

"Please, Hagrid knows more about magical creatures than anyone I know." Edgar said angrily, as Hagrid blushed, "Why on earth would he need Lockhart's advice?"

**moving a half-plucked rooster off his scrubbed table and setting down the teapot. "Like I don' know. An' bangin' on about some banshee he banished. If one word of it was true, I'll eat my kettle."**

"Wow, that's not like you Hagrid, you've always been really respectful towards Hogwarts' teachers." Said Alice.

**It was most unlike Hagrid to criticize a Hogwarts' teacher, and Harry looked at him in surprise. Hermione, however, said in a voice somewhat higher than usual, "I think you're being a bit unfair. Professor Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job**

"Probably the only one who applied actually." McGonagall muttered.

**"He was the on'y man for the job," said Hagrid, offering them a plate of treacle fudge, while Ron coughed squelchily into his basin. "An' I mean the on'y one. Gettin' very difficult ter find anyone fer Y the Dark Arts job. People aren't too keen ter take it on, see. They're startin' ter think it's jinxed.**

"_It is jinxed." _Albus thought.

**No one's lasted long fer a while now. So tell me," said Hagrid, jerking his head at Ron. "Who was he tryin' ter curse?"**

"Malfoy." Everyone said.

Hagrid chuckled, "An' yeh know I know tha', righ'?" Everyone in the room blushed.

**"Malfoy called Hermione something it must've been really bad, because everyone went wild."**

"It was bad." Sirius muttered, darkly.

**"It was bad," said Ron hoarsely, emerging over the tabletop looking pale and sweaty. "Malfoy called her `Mudblood,' Hagrid**

**Ron dived out of sight again as a fresh wave of slugs made their appearance. Hagrid looked outraged.**

"Don't blame you."

**"He didn'!" he growled at Hermione.**

**"He did," she said. "But I don't know what it means. I could tell it was really rude, of course**

"At least there's that."

**"It's about the most insulting thing he could think of," gasped Ron, coming back up. "Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who is Muggle-born you know, non-magic parents. There are some wizards like Malfoy's family who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call pure-blood." He gave a small burp, and a single slug fell into his outstretched hand. He threw it into the basin and continued, "I mean, the rest of us know it doesn't make any difference at all. Look at Neville Longbottom he's pure-blood and he can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up."**

"Oi!" Alice yelled, as Frank sighed. His potions _brilliance_ had to be something he passed down to his son.

**"An' they haven't invented a spell our Hermione can' do," said Hagrid proudly, making Hermione go a brilliant shade of magenta.**

"You always are a good person to come and talk to when you're feeling down, Hagrid." Lily told a blushing Hagrid, remembering her own occasions when she had been cheered up by the loveable half giant. Hagrid turned an even deeper shade of magenta when everyone agreed.

Bill, Charlie and Percy looked at each other and wrote down 'Go talk to Hagrid when you need cheering up. Don't eat his cooking though!'

**"It's a disgusting thing to call someone," said Ron, wiping his sweaty brow with a shaking hand. "Dirty blood, see. Common blood. It's ridiculous. Most wizards these days are half-blood anyway. If we hadn't married Muggles we'd've died out."**

"True."

**He retched and ducked out of sight again.**

**"Well, I don' blame yeh fer tryin' ter curse him, Ron," said Hagrid loudly over the thuds of more slugs hitting the basin. "Bu' maybe it was a good thing yer wand backfired. 'Spect Lucius Malfoy would've come marchin' up ter school if yeh'd cursed his son. Least yer not in trouble."**

**Harry would have pointed out that trouble didn't come much worse than having slugs pouring out of your mouth,**

"I dunno, I've been subject to worse curses." James muttered, glancing at his wife, who noticed and smiled sweetly at him.

**but he couldn't; Hagrid's treacle fudge had cemented his jaws together.**

**"Harry," said Hagrid abruptly as though struck by a sudden thought. "Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin' out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"**

The adults chuckled, knowing Hagrid, and imagining Harry's reaction.

**Furious, Harry wrenched his teeth apart.**

**"I have not been giving out signed photos," he said hotly. "If Lockhart's still spreading that around**

**But then he saw that Hagrid was laughing.**

**"I'm on'y jokin'," he said, patting Harry genially on the back and sending him face first into the table. "I knew yeh hadn't really. I told Lockhart yeh didn' need teh. Yer more famous than him without tryin'."**

"Bet that went down well." The twins said.

**"Bet he didn't like that," said Harry, sitting up and rubbing his chin.**

**"Don' think he did," said Hagrid, his eyes twinkling. "An' then I told him Id never read one o' his books an' he decided ter go. Treacle fudge, Ron?" he added as Ron reappeared.**

"Not a good idea with him vomiting slugs." Marlene said, turning faintly green at the thought.

**"No thanks," said Ron weakly. "Better not risk it."**

"Good idea, son." Arthur murmured.

**"Come an' see what I've bin growin'," said Hagrid as Harry and Hermione finished the last of their tea.**

"You do make a good cup of tea, Hagrid." Alice said.

**In the small vegetable patch behind Hagrid's house were a dozen of the largest pumpkins Harry had ever seen. Each was the size of a large boulder.**

Eyebrows raised, and the adults, with small smiles on their faces, turned to Hagrid, who suddenly found the ceiling very interesting.

**"Gettin' on well, aren't they?" said Hagrid happily. "Fer the Halloween feast ... should be big enough by then."**

**"What've you been feeding them?" said Harry.**

**Hagrid looked over his shoulder to check that they were alone.**

Everyone chuckled.

**"Well, I've bin givin' them you know a bit o' help**

**Harry noticed Hagrid's flowery pink umbrella leaning against the back wall of the cabin. Harry had had reason to believe before now that this umbrella was not all it looked; in fact, he had the strong impression that Hagrid's old school wand was concealed inside it.**

"I _never_ would have guessed that." Sirius chuckled.

**Hagrid wasn't supposed to use magic. He had been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year, but Harry had never found out why -any mention of the matter and Hagrid would clear his throat loudly and become mysteriously deaf until the subject was changed.**

"Yeah, we noticed that to." Remus whispered.

**"An Engorgement Charm, I suppose?" said Hermione, halfway between disapproval and amusement. "Well, you've done a good job on them."**

**"That's what yer little sister said," said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. "Met her jus' yesterday." Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching. "Said she was jus' lookin' round the grounds, but I reckon she was hopin' she might run inter someone else at my house." He winked at Harry. "If yeh ask me, she wouldn' say no ter a signed**

Everyone snorted with laughter.

**"Oh, shut up," said Harry. Ron snorted with laughter and the ground was sprayed with slugs.**

**"Watch it!" Hagrid roared, pulling Ron away from his precious pumpkins.**

**It was nearly lunchtime and as Harry had only had one bit of treacle fudge since dawn, he was keen to go back to school to eat. They said good-bye to Hagrid and walked back up to the castle, Ron hiccoughing occasionally, but only bringing up two very small slugs.**

"Wow. That would have been one impressive curse, had it, you know, not cursed Ron." Remus said, bemused.

**They had barely set foot in the cool entrance hall when a voice rang out, "There you are, Potter Weasley." Professor McGonagall was walking toward them, looking stern. "You will both do your detentions this evening."**

**"What're we doing, Professor?" said Ron, nervously suppressing a burp.**

"Ew."

**"You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch," said Professor McGonagall. "And no magic, Weasley elbow grease."**

"Well that's not so bad." Sirius said, having had far worse detentions.

**Ron gulped. Argus Filch, the caretaker, was loathed by every student in the school.**

"And he loathes every student in the school." Gideon added.

**"And you, Potter, will be helping Professor Lockhart answer his fan mail," said Professor McGonagall.**

"What! Professor, I thought torture had been abolished in Hogwarts. There is no possible reason to give Harry _that _as a detention." James exclaimed.

**"Oh n Professor, can't I go and do the trophy room, too?" said Harry desperately.**

**"Certainly not," said Professor McGonagall, raising her eyebrows. "Professor Lockhart requested you particularly. Eight o'clock sharp, both of you."**

**Harry and Ron slouched into the Great Hall in states of deepest gloom, Hermione behind them, wearing a well-you-did-break-school rules sort of expression. Harry didn't enjoy his shepherd's pie as much as he'd thought. Both he and Ron felt they'd got the worse deal.**

"Harry's got the worse deal." Everybody muttered.

**"Filch'll have me there all night," said Ron heavily. "No magic! There must be about a hundred cups in that room. I'm no good at Muggle cleaning."**

**"I'd swap anytime," said Harry hollowly. "I've had loads of practice with the Dursleys.**

Harry's family scowled murderously, at the reminder of their son and nephew's treatment.

**Answering Lockhart's fan mail ... he'll be a nightmare…"**

"Too true. Poor Harry." Alice murmured.

**Saturday afternoon seemed to melt away, and in what seemed like no time, it was five minutes to eight, and Harry was dragging his feet along the second-floor corridor to Lockhart's office. He gritted his teeth and knocked.**

**The door flew open at once. Lockhart beamed down at him.**

"What the-? Was he waiting at the door, or something?" Remus asked.

**"Ah, here's the scalawag!" he said. "Come in, Harry, come in**

**Shining brightly on the walls by the light of many candles were countless framed photographs of Lockhart.**

"Seriously?"

**He had even signed a few of them.**

"Oh, come on!"

**Another large pile lay on his desk.**

**"You can address the envelopes!" Lockhart told Harry, as though this was a huge treat. "This first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her huge fan of mine**

**The minutes snailed by. Harry let Lockhart's voice wash over him, occasionally saying, "Mmm" and "Right" and "Yeah." Now and then he caught a phrase like, "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry," or "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that."**

"Poor kid's gonna have nightmares." Fabian muttered.

**The candles burned lower and lower, making the light dance over the many moving faces of Lockhart watching him. Harry moved his aching hand over what felt like the thousandth envelope, writing out Veronica Smethley's address. It must be nearly time to leave, Harry thought miserably, please let it be nearly time...**

"Ah, the longing for the end of detention, we remember thee well." Sirius muttered, wistfully.

**And then he heard something something quite apart from the spitting of the dying candles and Lockhart's prattle about his fans.**

"Professor McGonagall coming to say enough is enough and let the kid go to bed?" Dedalus asked.

**It was a voice, a voice to chill the bone marrow, a voice of breathtaking, ice-cold venom.**

Everyone sat up straighter, alarmed.

**"Come ... come to me... Let me rip you... Let me tear you ... Let me kill you…"**

Eyes widened, panicked.

**Harry gave a huge jump and a large lilac blot appeared on Veronica Smethley's street.**

"Don't blame him."

**"What?" he said loudly.**

**"I know!" said Lockhart. "Six solid months at the top of the best-seller list! Broke all records!"**

"Not that, you freaking moron!" Emmaline exclaimed, angrily.

**"No," said Harry frantically. "That voice!"**

**"Sorry?" said Lockhart, looking puzzled. "What voice?"**

"The voice plotting murder, what voice do you think the lad means?" Moody growled, eyes narrowed.

**"That that voice that said didn't you hear it?"**

**Lockhart was looking at Harry in high astonishment.**

"Now, are we just reaching new levels of 'Lockhart Stupidity', or did he really not hear it?" Bill asked, confused.

**"What are you talking about, Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy? Great Scott look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it the time's flown, hasn't it?"**

**Harry didn't answer. He was straining his ears to hear the voice again, but there was no sound now except for Lockhart telling him he mustn't expect a treat like this every time he got detention.**

"He considered _that_ a treat?"

**Feeling dazed, Harry left.**

**It was so late that the Gryffindor common room was almost empty. Harry went straight up to the dormitory. Ron wasn't back yet. Harry pulled on his pajamas, got into bed, and waited. Half an hour later, Ron arrived, nursing his right arm and bringing a strong smell of polish into the darkened room.**

**"My muscles have all seized up," he groaned, sinking on his bed. "Fourteen times he made me buff up that Quidditch cup before he was satisfied. And then I had another slug attack all over a Special Award for Services to the School.**

Everyone winced.

**Took ages to get the slime off... How was it with Lockhart?"**

"Well, how can we put this delicately?" the twins mumbled.

**Keeping his voice low so as not to wake Neville, Dean, and Seamus, Harry told Ron exactly what he had heard.**

**"And Lockhart said he couldn't hear it?" said Ron. Harry could see him frowning in the moonlight. "D'you think he was lying? But I don't get it even someone invisible would've had to open the door."**

"Good point."

**"I know," said Harry, lying back in his four-poster and staring at the canopy above him. "I don't get it either."**

"That's it." Frank sighed. Pushing the book back to Dumbledore, he wrapped an arm around his wife's waist. Who would have thought reading a book would be this stressful?

* * *

**_Tell us what you think. Concrit very welcome. xx_**


End file.
